Il s'agît là d'un album concept (une farce), et non d'un album à part entière. Voici l'histoire (et non les paroles des chansons) dans sa presque intégralité, avec cependant quelques trous...
En espérant que celà vous plaira de les avoir.




01 - Recipe for Bait
Hello, and welcome to Coocked on Phonics, the story of how a cheesy death metal band named Cryptic Coroner, became the punk phenomenon of the century, when they realised they were making no money.

Our story begins, at a crappy little pub on a cheap beer night, where our heroes are aboot to take the stage.

This,ALTHOUGH they don't know it yet, will be the last show they play as the infamous Cryptic Coroner, and the birth of the music biz's little babies : Punky Bruster.

Let's listen in, shall we ?

"Hey, turn the music down... Ah, welcome to a tuesday night at "Mallone's", Surrey's hottest hole for rock'n'roll, ah tonight we've got two for one Tequila shooter specials.
Uh, anyway, straight from Poland, we've got... uh... hang on a sec (in the background: CRYPTIC CORONER !) oh yah, Cryptic Coroner, uh, give them a round of applause."

GOOD EVENING MALLOOOONE'S, WE ARE - CRYPTIC - COOOROOONEEEER, FROM SOUTH CENTRAL POOOOOLAAAAND... ROT - IN - HEEEEEELL !!!

(Death metal part---------------------------------------------)

Ahhh... I broke a string ! I broke a s... I.. I mean, I mean... I BROKE A STRING !!!
I broke a string man !

Oh, holy f***...yeah man this looks bad, can you play a punk beat? -I, I think I can.
Those guys gonna kill us men we've got to do something up here...
I'm not sure give me a second
Can you try I just get up... Yeah, that's it, that sounds good !
How's that ?!
It's good, just wait I gotta tune up man, just keep goin' I gotta tune 'kay
Now we need some bass in here too... Hey get the bass goin' !
Oh man I don't like the way this crowd's actin', just keep goin' man keep goin'
'Kay right
and put some guitar in
I got it
Ok, ready ? Ready ?
Yeah... That sounds pretty good !
Gimme some bass !
Come on ! Now they're gonna kill us, gimme bass now !
Yeah, yeah, I can handle this
Hey, I think I'm gonna cut my hair ! Wow !
Think "Green Day"! Let's go !!!

(Song---------------------------------)

Hey this is Jimmy Rickles for CFUH radio, you know this is amazing we're down here witnessing the phenomenon that is Punky Bruster... All the people here are going crazy and it's just- it's amazing they sold a hundred thousand albums in the past two and a half hours

The world is going wild for these guys

You know... I was doing this about 15 years ago and now they're just capitalizing on what should've been MY money...

I can't believe these bloody kids... They think they're punk ? That's not punk ! Punk hasn't been punk since WE were bloody punks !

This is crap dude ! You can't just take an attitude and wrap it up in a little plastic bag and sell it to corporate America!
That's not punk ! Punk is something ya feel! I was punk 10 years ago, and I'm still punk
cause there's nothing that's gonna stop me from lifting weights, and writing books, and makin' things outta earwax

(Grand-ma' voice or something) Yes, well the ????? quite approves of the new movement that the young people of today call 'punk!' It offers more positive solutions to negative problems that plague society in America today. And yes, for one, I quite like it!


02 - Fake Punk
Zeppelin !!


03 - EZ$$
This fake punk movement is crap but there's money to be made so lets milk it !

(Song----------------------------------------------------)

And in this space, of nearly a few weeks, the band, with their new sound and style, were well on the way towards a fullfilment and satisfaction, that only raping the public for a quick buck can bring.

But as well as things were going for the band, their manager was having problems adapting to the new punk rock motif. And at the record company, a production meeting was being held to start dealing with the said problems...
METAL BROTHERS, WE'RE IN THE TOP FIFTEEN WITH THIS PUNK CRAP, WE'RE OUT FOR WORLD DOMINATION NOOOOOW !
-YES, BUT WE MUST GET RID OF THIS VOICES, THEY ARE HOLDING US BACK.
SHOULD WE GO ON - HIGHER ? WOULD THAT BE MORE ACCESSIBLE ?
-YES.
LIKE... LIKE WHAT LIKE higher !
-LET, LET ME TRY... HIGHER
MY LORD...
-Higher... Higher like this !
THINK PUNK !
-I, I am punk !
Yes, still higher
-I, I'm a punk guy !
Yes...
-I am !
YES...
-I am !
YES, BUT, BUT, I AM NO THOUGH ! THIS IS GOING AGAINST EVERYTHING I'VE EVER BELIEVED IN ! ALTHOUGH I BROUGHT CRYPTIC CORONER FROM THE EDGE OF VIRTUAL OBSCURITY, AND YES, YES, WHILE THE MONEY IS GOOD, I REFUUUSE TO SEE THEM SELL, AAALL OF THEIR METAL ROOTS !
-MY LORD, DO NOT RESIST THIS PUNK ASSIMILATION...
*UUH, UUH...*
-I DON'T THINK YOU UNDERSTAND THE DIRECTION WE ARE HEADING...
I- I DO NOT ! EXPLAIN IT TO ME PLEASE !
-IT IS BOOT-LICKING PUNK ROCK.


04 - Metal Dilemma
YOU ARE FIRED METAL GUY !

So, with their oldy heavy metal manager now out of the picture, Punky Bruster were now on a prowl for new managerial blood.
And, at the advice of the all-knowing and all-seeing record company, they went prowling with their new voices...

Look ! It's a manager !
A manager is coming to see us !
Oh he's so beefy !
He is !
Hihihi ^_^

Yeah... You guys got a lot of potential... but...
-*background chipmunk*
You still sound pretty heavy metal
-Ah you mean ? you mean ? ...
Yeah that's coming from me, I, I'm, I'm a manager you know I know these things...
-ah
If you wanna make it in the music biz guys, you gotta get yourself a new vocalist...
-No way ! We are a band !
Okay okay, at least a guest vocalist for the album...
-????? ??? ???? (can't understand the last chipmunk line)


05 - Oats Peas Beans & Barley
-HEY YOU GUYS !!!

(Song----------------------------------------------------)

*Knock on the door*
-????? ?????????, ????? ????????? ?????????, special delivery for you sir !
-Thank you mister postal-men !
Woah ! Finally ! My official boys in tha hood wallet chain ! Now I can be hardcore like everybody else !


06 - Wallet Chain
I don't know if you people out there ever heard of the granny awards. You see, it's a yearly event that brings all the good parts of world music and money making together, into one little metal figurine !
And this year, after only being together for a mere couple of weeks, Punky Bruster have gotten themselves a nomination...
Now even though it's almost inevitable that they could win or at least get an honorable mention at this prestigious event, it brings a nervousness that has disrupted most of the members' bowels...


07 - Heinus Anus
Haaa... Groupies ! love 'em or leave 'em. Well, Doctor Skinny has never loved 'em, but he sure as hell wouldn't mind givin' in a shot, the only problem being, he hasn't got quite used to the whole punk-rock female thing, but "hey", he says, "if there's a ring through a nose, then she's metal enough for me."

Oh my god... Oh my god it's you !
-Hi
You're the guy from Punky Bruster band !
-Yeah...
Oh, this is too... wow, this is crazy ! My friends are going to freak !
-Of course I'm a big star
I've gotta phone my friends can I come in and use your phone ?
-Hey hey sure, sweetheart!


08 - Heavy Metal Mama
I love that when ????? person ????? ????? ????? ????? ????? ????? I mean it really... Ha... ????? you know, spandex, you know... should come back... If it's not cool now, it should be...

Later, in a huge bedroom... Or, as they say in Canadian, "bedrooOOm", the following tragedy occures...

This is so cool
-Yeah this is my place...
This is the best punk-rock place...
-My punk-rock place...
You're the best punk-rock band
-Yes my favourite band too
This is awesome
-Thank you
This is great
-Thank you, you're pretty cute you know...
Oh - my - god
-Ah ...? No...
What... is that ?
-Nothing, don't look at that ! No I don't...
A heavy metal poster ?
-No no its, it's a friend's ! It's...
A heavy metal... album ?
-It's not... ???? It's a punk
A heavy metal book ?!
-It's not ! It's a, it's a punk book !
-ooh god !
-come back !
This is disgusting !
-No no no it's not really
(going away) This is...
-no no im a...im a punk, a...anarchy,ANARCHY!
this is so... (uncool ?)
-oh no,come back ! Oh no ! Oh god it's... Oh my only chance, ruined !

(narrator again)
Desillutioned by this rejection served up to him in a steaming lump, Doctor Skinny became suicidal with grief, his metal roots were clearly now a burden, and a burden that would soon be behind him, if his band could win the granny tomorrow night, for best punk act.
For nothing validifies music, as the all powerfull granny award...
Be strong, fair metal guy gone punk,
...it's so hard to be strong
be strong...
...I need something to help ease the pain !


09 - Crusty's at the Ivanhoe
*burps*
-Whadya mean it's your fuckin beer! You think your fuckin DOWN! You think you know what the FUCK it is to be DOWN! You dont fukkin know! YOU KNOW NOTHING!!

(Song----------------------------------------------------)

*guy yells something weird*
With his pain eased, by the sweet kiss of cheap alcohal, Dr.Skinny, Dances with chickens (is it one of the guys name ?), and Squid Viscious, head toward the grannys. Lets hope for the best dear friends. Lets hope, for the best...

-Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, children of all ages, the academy of recording arts welcomes you to the 23rd annual, GRANNY AWARDS! MCB is PROUD to present the most gala musical extraviganza of the year. Anybody who is anybody is here tonight, dressed to the nines in order to get even the glimpse of some of the many stars grazeing our stage this evening. HI THERE! I'm Jimmy Rickles. With Live performances by...

Ann Murray
Deicide
and the one, the only, Punky Bruster

But before all that, please give a big round of friendly applause for your hose this evening, entertainment this hours, PJ Little-Pricky.

-Thank you! Thank you, thank you-Yes, quite an exciting evening-thank you, thank you. I'm... extremely excited to be your host this evening for the 23rd, anuel, granny awards. Right? Yes thank you. Yes...
And this year'ss most exciting year because we got a new award, and thats how we're going to start things off tonight... It is a life long achievement award for the best, punk-rock band. Now this is judged on anarchtic content, chord dissonance, hair coloring, body piercing, and of course some other technical things we need not concern ourselves with. Without further adu, lets give this award out, and start this party off.
The envelope please? thank you... shes lovely isn't she?... nice boobies....
And this years award of course... it will come as no surprise to all of you...
PUNKY BRUSTER! Come on up guys! Come and get your award.....

-Oh! OH! OH! Thank you! Thank you this is so unexpected! I don'-I don't know what to say! Uh... well... we'd like to thank-uh-our families! Our families! Our manager-GOD BLESS YOU, GOD BLESS YOU! Uh- The Norwegion Death metal scene- Oh I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm s... sorry not that! Just a joke, just a joke -Jokey, Jokey wokey- uuuh, I don't know.
GOD BLESS EVERYBODY! Oh, and before we go, before we go! We'd like to thank all the Pioneer punk bands of 1994- You know who you are guys! Thank you, thank you VERY MUCH- THANK YOU ALL!

-Yes, yes folks, Punky Bruster-but guys wait, before you leave the stage please, won't you play us a song, the audience is going wiiild here. Yes yes, I think they're in agreement with me you must play us a song...
No please, please guys We got it set up for you right here. Please come everyone! PUNKY BEUSTER!!! Yes, LIVE, here for you...

-awww, you guys! I'd just like to say your all soooo great, for helping us become number one. I guess we can just do one song. I mean one little song! Only one though! Okay, all set! Guitar? Thank you (got my bass) okay! This is our new single, and it goes out to all of, yooouuuu.


10 - Picture of Myself
So, there you have it friends, the story of Punky Bruster, one of music's biggest succes stories, from beginning to the very end, yeah.
Well, you know the moral of this story is simply this : that perhaps, doing music that moves you and makes you feel something, can be EAAAsily sacrificed, in ????? ????? ????? bullshit, for the all-powerfull dollar. It happened to them, and god dammit, it could have happened to you.
Thanks very much, we'll see you next time, the end.