The Wonder Years : Suburbia I've Given You All and Now I'm Nothing
Lyrics
1. CAME OUT SWINGING
Moved all my shit into my parent's basement
And out of our old apartment
I know things changed but I'm not sure when
I guess you'd call this regression
I left a real job and a girlfriend
I convinced myself that I'm brave enough for all of this
Well, I spent this whole year in airports
And the floor feels like home
Oh, at least we're never alone
I lost track of the time zones and I'd call but you know
I'm running on empty
And the late nights and the long drives start to get to me
I'm just so tired
[Chorus]
I spent this year as a ghost and I'm not sure what I'm looking for
I'm a voice on a phone that you rarely answer anymore
I came in here alone
Came in here alone
But that doesn't scare me like it did seven months ago
I spent this year as a ghost and I'm not sure where home is anymore
Been on a steady fast food diet
Like we're this generation's Morgan Spurlock
But we don't admit defeat
My body feels rejected and I can't say that I blame it
My heart keeps saying stay young
My lower back seems to disagree
I unrolled a cheap cotton blanket on an old dirty couch
I felt the year start to wind down
I can't stand any dead space
Empty beds bum me out
[Chorus]
I came out swinging from a South Philly basement
Caked in stale beer and sweat under half-lit fluorescents
And I spent the winter writing songs about getting better
And if I'm being honest, I'm getting there (x3)
2. WOKE UP OLDER
You've got lunch with your sister tomorrow
So we can't be up late
You don't mind if I sleep in
But then I've gotta pack my things
So I stacked a Bukowski novel on a Blacklisted LP
And this time what it looked like
Was just what it proved to be
You said you needed a stiff drink
To take your mind off things
[Chorus]
Hey Jess, I woke up older
Carrying two years in the bags under my eyes
Hey Jess, I watched you wake up and get dressed
You left the room receded like my hairline
I've been avoiding Rittenhouse like the plague
Because I just can't handle seeing you today
You made this house into a home
Now, I'm a stranger on my street
And as I turned to leave
I caught myself in the mirror to see
I aged a year this week
I left a note up on your bed that said
Hey, thanks again for everything you did
[Chorus]
When John introduced Woke Up New in St. Augustine
I knew I wasn't alone
When I woke up here without you
There was nothing to do but pack up and go home
Hey Jess, I woke up older
Carrying two years in the bags under my eyes
[Chorus]
3. LOCAL MAN RUINS EVERYTHING
The fountain was off.
This is the first time I've been back to the city in months.
I'm trying to hold it together but irony's found cracks in the foundation.
And you know,
I try so hard to be some great white hope
But I can't shake the feeling that tonight I'm gonna end up shaking in bed alone.
[Chorus]
I'm not a self-help book; I'm just a fucked up kid.
I had to take my own advice and I did.
Now I'm waiting for it to sink in.
[Chorus2]
Expect me standing tall, back against the wall,
'Cause what I learned was
It's not about forcing happiness;
It's about not letting the sadness win.
I don't have roses in the closet
But I've got pictures in a drawer
It's everything left in me
Not to stare at them anymore.
I walked upstairs and shaved my beard.
I felt like I was holding sadness here
(I was holding sadness here)
[Chorus]
[Chorus2]
I don't have roses in the closet
But I've got pictures in a drawer
It's everything left in me
Not to stare at them anymore.
[Chorus]
4. SUBURBIA
The bowling alley burnt down
They said it was a cigarette and I almost believed it
There were burns in the carpet
But everyone knows that it was for the insurance
This is where you pick up the bus
The most famous person to come out of here was
The guy that played Leatherface in all those chainsaw massacres
Every business on Main Street collapsed except Morgan's mom's place
And the whole town feels dead
The whole town feels dead
And the whole town, the whole town feels dead
I can't blame it
5. MY LIFE AS A PIDGEON
This is how I'm spending six AM
Scraping ice off a windshield, freezing
I'm late to work again
Another double shift
I'm gonna pull my weight in this world cause it's all I have
I'm on to something
I can feel it
It's like you're drawing battle lines in your head
For a war that doesn't exist
And I don't want to fight in
It's not worth it
[Chorus]
If you want me to go then I'll go
And if you ask me to leave I can leave
But I won't be afraid of making mistakes if you're listening
Are you listening?
I can't get my footing steadied in all of this
I'm always ducking swings or looking over my shoulder
When I should be making progress
This is the shit that they don't teach you how to deal with
Like an army of self-righteous kids that only like the 7 inch
I'm putting miles between myself and this bullshit
[Chorus] (x2)
Cause I'm listening
I guess this is what it's like
The life of a pigeon
I know we're hard-pressed to find some common ground
But I won't let this world wipe me out
[Chorus] (x2)
Are you listening?
6. SUMMERS IN PA
Summer came on way too strong
And the radio played all new songs
So I smile and hum along
I hum along
Everybody's finally home
For the first time this year, I feel whole
Because I've been so afraid of being alone
So now I'm heading up 309
Cause I miss this life and I'll set shit right
We're gonna cause some problems here tonight
Cause Spiro lied about his major then said fuck the whole thing
So he's home to make some bad decisions with me
[Chorus]
There's something about weeknights in the suburbs
And there's something about me and all my friends
Kings of awkward situations
The plum blossoms are falling
I'm more than happy going down with them
The casino seemed like a bad idea
But Denny's seemed like a worse one
And I don't think that we'd ever let that stop us
We ended up busted, broken and choking down a Grand Slam
I can't think of a better way for the night to end
Cause we're this generation's Outsiders
But we've got worse intentions and they've got better haircuts
[Chorus]
I'll be in the backyard laughing out by the fire
Saying I'm sick of running away
Maybe I'll stay
We'll be in the backyard causing problems for the neighbors
Screaming we're sick of running away
We'll stay, we'll stay, we'll stay
[Chorus]
7. I WON'T SAY THE LORD'S PRAYER
It's a series of bars, thrift stores and churches lining the streets
While women with gold crosses push kids into half-formed beliefs
And if Lot was righteous, I think I'd rather not be
We lean on fences built from out-dated morality
It's a gang mentality
It's a dangerous thing
They don't ask you to think, just to repeat after me
And assume you're too careless to look at it critically
You'll stop progress if it contradicts what you're told to believe
I refuse to spend life on my knees
These billboards that flaunt these scare tactics
Make me think you're only good if you're afraid of being punished
Every single Sunday, church bells wake me up
But it's never enough to pull me out of bed
The church on Main Street has got its doors painted red
And I guess it's so the Angel of Death passes over it
On his way to get gas
The church on Broad Street has got a neon sign that says Jesus Save Me
And I guess it's so God can see from where he is in the cheap seats
I refuse to spend life on my knees
And I won't let somebody else make my decisions for me
If we're all just Christians or lions
I think I'd rather be on the side with sharper teeth
I don't need saving
8. COFFEE EYES
Two dollars, twenty-seven cents
January seventeenth, 2006
Here in a diner with my friends
Talking about how the year went
A few years later I walk in
Patti knew my drink
And she asked where the hell we've been
You used to come here every night
It's not the same without you kids
I cut my hand on a piece of glass
The time we found Dave half dead in the parking lot
And spent the rest of the night in the ER
I cut my hand on a piece of glass
And I hope the scar lasts
So I don't forget that
[Chorus]
There's been a table for me there
Through coffee eyes and blank stares
Our late night affairs
There's always been a table for me there
So you can try to forget or say it's the past
You know you'll always end up right back where you left
I ended up here late at night on Thanksgiving
The fall that Colleen left
This was a place to call home
When it felt like the world didn't want us
I watched Mike slash Mon's tires
We laughed about it later
I watched friendships dissolve
In the booth on the back wall
I cut my hand on a piece of glass
And I hope the scar lasts
[Chorus]
There's always been a table for me there (x3)
Through all of the years
There's always been a table for me there
Through all of the years
There's always been a table for me there
Through all of the years
There's always been a table for me there
9. I'VE GIVEN YOU ALL
This town has only had this one old lonely homeless man
For as long as I can think back
He was a Vietnam Vet
He got beaten to death in Memorial Park under one of the benches
The cops all said it was probably kids
But nobody ever found them
I guess they stopped trying
And I wonder if they ever did
It's a sober sight
The old alcoholics that drink by the train
Riding Good Will bikes and constantly running away
Wearing starter jackets for teams that haven't existed since the nineties
With discouraged faces they're counting down days
And pulling at paper bag forties
Man, I'm sorry
10. DON'T LET ME CAVE IN
You drove me all the way up here
'Cause you could tell that I was a mess
I wasn't going to make it to dinner
And I shouldn't be calling again
You drove me all the way back
I circled the airport a hundred times
And tried to hide the fact that I was crying
I came in on the red eye
That's why I look like this
There comes a day when you rectify
Who you are with who you want to be with
And I can't make the two things co-exist
So don't let me cave in
[Chorus]
You drove me all the way up here
Cause you could tell that I was a mess
I wasn't going to make it to dinner
And I shouldn't be calling again
You drove me all the way up here
And asked if we could stay in bed
You still got work early tomorrow
And I've got a plane to catch
You drove me all the way back
I spent last night getting Mexican
Outside a Logan Square basement show with Evan
Chicago looked desperate
But maybe that was me
I couldn't help thinking of watching
The Sears Tower collapse as a kid
I feel like I might do the same thing
So don't let it happen to me
No don't let it happen to me!
(So let it happen to me)
[Chorus]
I tried to make a life in the Midwest
But the rust belt keeps breaking promises
I can't seem to find out where my footing is
So don't (don't don't don't)
Let (don't let me cave in)
So let me cave in
(Don't let me cave in)
[Chorus]
11. YOU MADE ME WANT TO BE A SAINT
It was how Dave said "us"
Like the last three years had never happened
It was how George walked down and threw dirt onto the casket
It was how I know you would want this to be a fast one
And not some cliché ballad
I'm slowing down in the August air
A heavy heart and shaking hands carried you up here
I buried half of a decade there
It was the better part
You'd catch the reference if only you could hear
Because I can still hear you in the bass drum beat after "I'll Catch You"
I'm left wondering if you meant anything when you typed out
"You never got me down, Ray. I never went down"
You know the fucked up part is
I kind of always knew we'd have to write a song about this
You know the fucked up part is
I had my fingers crossed that it wouldn't be for you, kid
You know the fucked up part is
It's been months, and I still have nightmares
You know the fucked up part is
I'm never going back there
You know the fucked up part is
The fuckedup part is
The fuckedup part is
The fuckedup part is fuck fuck fuck.
12. HOODIE WEATHER
It smells like it should be snowing
And I've been frequenting a diner on Main Street
Where the waitresses are girls that graduated with me
Have problems with oxy and can't recall what I had to drink
No one knows where they're going
They just know they want out of here badly
They're like cigarettes dropped on a highway
They smash and scatter and burn out somewhere else without knowing
I've got my grandmother's veins in the back of my hands
And just a hint of a South Philly accent
I was born here and I'll probably die here
Let's go home
[Chorus]
This town has got lies to tell
I'll wait around and hear you out
But I can't keep from digging up these bones forever
At least for now, I'll settle down
I'll try to find some solid ground
I lost my footing trying to get home last winter
The kids in the graduating class
Have got their eyes set west
And California on their lips
But I left some blood there that I'm never getting back
Rocky's in the Deep South
I don't think he's coming back now
It's sinister, but it's how life worked out
I've got my grandmother's veins in the back of my hands
And just a hint of a South Philly accent
I was born here and I'll probably die here
Let's go home
[Chorus]
Growing up means watching my heroes turn human in front of me
The songs we wrote at eighteen seem shortsighted and naïve
So when the weather breaks, I'll pull my hoodie up over my face
I won't run away, run away
As fucked as this place got, it made me me
[Chorus]
This town's got lies to tell
13. AND NOW I'M NOTHING
I can't help myself
I keep ending up in Memorial Park
Breaking finger nails while I claw at the frozen ground
Because as long as I'm home
I can dig up these bones
There's no point to just letting go
And as long as you've known me I've been backing out slowly
I won't end up underneath the snow
This is where it's been
The manger scene every Christmas
Next to the cannon
Every year someone steals baby Jesus
Nobody stops them
It's a nice tradition
[Chorus]
I'll put my life back together in silence
While writing songs on Molly's guitar
And Suburbia, stop pushing
I know what I'm doing
So I moved myself and two boxes of things
To the basement room at Richie's house
And I'm happy here for now
Because I've been in search of some steadier footing
Or just a place to call home
I know that I'm introspective when broken
But I've been spending most of my nights here alone
And that doesn't scare me like it did a year ago
[Chorus]
Suburbia, stop pushing
I know what I'm doing
Suburbia, stop pushing
I know what I'm doing
I had dreams of myself
As the Allen Ginsberg of this generation
But without the talent, madness or vision
I guess it's looking hopeless
We're a city left digging out cars in unison
And humming like we've healed
I know we've got miles to go
But I'm putting my shoulder to the wheel
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