1. MATCH OF THE DAY





There's the Reds and there's the Greens
Super slicks and has beens,
They're accompanied by three men dressed in black,
One's a whistle, two are flags,
And quite often they're the drags
Kick the ball into the goal, then put it back.

Yes Match of the Day's
The only way, to spend your Saturday

Each side's eleven men, with numbers on their backs
But at a distance they all tend to look the same
But some own their boutiques,
Well they clean up every week
Inciting riots, causing chaos, such a shame!

But Match of the Day's
The only way
We spend our Saturday

And that's not all, our mates the keepers
Slippin' and sliding in the mud
Arms as long as creepers

Send him off Ref...
Where are your specs Ref...
Kick you to death Ref...
Oi! Are you deaf Ref..

There's a few things before we go
That I think you ought to know
Obstruction, Body Checking, heavy tackles
So put on your hat and scarf
Have a drink, have a larf'
From the terrace you can see your men do battle

Yes Match of the Day's
The only way
You can spend your Saturday

Don't forget, the trainers with their sponges
Managers with open cheques, liquid business lunches

Send him off Ref...
Where are your specs Ref...
Kick you to death Ref...
Oi! Are you deaf Ref...

...Phfff! Good game 'ey, Ron?...
...D'you see that goal in the Second Half? oh!...
...Bit of a dirty tackle that, mate!...
...I reckon I should've had a bet on it myself!...
...We paid 400, 000 pound for him, you realise that?...
...Oh - look out, here comes a bottle ...
...Yes, fancy a pint then? My round...








2. PIGEONS




Who put fifty tons of shit on the Foreign Office roof?
Who suffers from nine known diseases?
Who gets up in the morning when the sun comes up
And makes their beds, paper clips, bus tickets
All around their heads?

Who congregate around Trafalgar Square
Taking pot shots at the tourists?
Oh you've got to watch out
When you wander round the square in the morning
Cos they're everywhere, they're everywhere

Here we have an honest man
A civil servant to boot
He lived high up in the Ministry
And when he wished to make a point
He knew just what to do
His window ledges were all covered in grease
I want them out of here

He said to me, "I want them gone"
Because you see - Oh don't you see
None of us are getting any younger
You've got to follow your nose
And if it tells you that you've got to go
Well that's because, they're everywhere,
They're everywhere

So we called in those men, those horrible men
We set them to work on the rooftops
You see their van is very plain
And I know they're too ashamed
To wear their by appointment badges anymore
Sometimes they use vaseline, sometimes they use the pill

I've often seen them with a gun
But as the years go by, old habits seem to die
And nowadays they knockatize them all
Oh you've got to watch out
As you wander round the square in the morning
Oh they're everywhere, they're everywhere






3. INSIDE AND OUT




Brother Seems they're letting him out next year
He's behaving himself, I hear
Governor Conway says it will be fine
Just as long as he can tow the line

It's the same old story
But it says here "Mum you're not to worry"
Cos some you lose and some you lose

At this party, he was on his own
All he did was say he'd take her home
But it seems they didn't go straight there
Cos on the porch, she told him,
Put your hand here"

Yes it's that same old story
They told her mum she's not to worry

Police "If what she says is so,
We'll never let him go!"

Him "Never a word could be heard
Not even the sound of a bird
Singing it over again, telling a different story
Never the same as before
See the summer going out by the door"
Brother And now that you've paid for those lies
Get another disguise

It's twenty years now since our Kid came free
Oh I remember August '53
But it wasn't quite like they said
With that behind you, you can't plan ahead
Yes it's the same old story
They say you're free, but don't worry
What they said's not so
They'll never let you go!"

Him "Never a word could be heard
Not even the sound of a bird
Singing it over again, telling a different story
Never the same as before
See the summer going out by the door"
Brother And now that you've paid for those lies
Get another disguise