1. RIZE OF THE FENIX

When "The Pick of Destiny" was released, it was a bomb
And all the critics said that The D was done
The sun had set and the chapter had closed
But one thing no one thought about was The D will rise again

Just like the phoenix,
We'll fucking rise again!
That's right the phoenix,
We'll rise again!

Cause' the fiery heart of a champion cannot be quelched
By a failure or an embarrassment, no way, no
And the critics all agreed it was a stinky pile of chee
But that does not mean that our hearts are not strong

Just like the phoenix,
We'll fucking rise again!
That's right the phoenix,
We'll rise again!

Sun shining, it's a Hell of a day
Riding back and it's headed your way
D's here, now we're putting on a show
We're sneaking up, climbing into your window

Out rocking, yea we're rocking again
Black Mamba is my personal friend
Phil Jackson is the master of zen
We'll pick you up, take you out on the weekend

It's the rise of the phoenix,
It's the call of attack
And you'll know when you've seen us
The fucking D is back, ya'll!

Lovemaking all the way to the top
Boots smoking, but I'm not gonna stop
Bossa Nova is a beautiful dance
Hot-blooded, that's a lots of romance

It's the rise of the phoenix,
And we ride with the pack
It's the magic between us
The fucking D is back

But what if it's true?
If Tenacious D has died, what will we do?
And what will we do,
About all the fans who have The D tattoo?
They'll have them removed,
They'll have to laser off their D tattoos
Tattoos..
They'll have to laser off their D tattoos

Wait a minute Kage.
What's that you say?
You know it's not too late.
Yes, it is too late.
We only need one hit.
Just imagine it.
We could be the shit!
Too legit to quit!

One hit!
One hit!
One hit!
Yea, I'm hoping this is it
One hit!
Top 10 hit!
Top 40 hit!
Top 1,000 hit!

I don't care,
As long as we get there!
We'll start anew,
And you can get a new Tenacious D tattoo!

You can get a new Tenacious D tattoo!


2. LOW HANGIN' FRUIT

Well, me and Kage are hungry
We're hungry for some fruit
We wander through the garden
It would be a hoot

To eat some low hangin' fruit
We're on a freaky pursuit
Don't want no high class model in designer fuckin' bathing suit
We want the low hangin' fruit

Me and Kage are horny
We're lookin' for a snack
Lookin' for a plump one
With a tasty crack

We want some low hangin' fruit
She wear the beekeeper suit
She got the shit-kickin' boot
We need the low hangin' fruit

She got the flip-flops on with hot red potatoes
And the butt-floss 'long with fried green tomatoes
And she love that song we sing for the ladies
Come on! Oh my god!

Rip-snort and a flip-florp fiddly-fjorp...

Low hangin' fruit
She wears a pink parachute
She got the fly tattoo and the honky-tonky daisy dukes
We love the low hangin' fruit

Because the high-class fruit is not gonna fuck me
But the low-class fruit is sweet chunky monkey
When you smoke that fruit, you smell like a skunky
Come on! Come on! Come on! Come on!


3. CLASSICAL TEACHER

(J) Hey Kage
(K) Jables
(J) How goes it man?
(K) S'good... s'good
(J) Y'know I've been thinking a lot about it, and um, I just want us to be the best fucking band in the world.
(K) Well yeah, me too!
(J) There's no point in doing it if we're not the best.
(K) Well s'true. I agree with that.
(J) I mean what, yeah we're gonna be, yeah we're really good. We're like almost as good as Arcade Fire, fuck that.
(K) Yeah
(J) We gotta leave those fuckers in the dust!
(K) What, what do you...
(J) All those fucking youngsters gotta fucking lick our boot or fuck it! Y'know what I mean?
(K) Yeah! Yeah, well, how do we do that though?
(J) [sigh] Dude, you need to fucking have some lessons.
(K) What!
(J) I know, you're really good but you gotta expand your game.
(K) Lessons!
(J) Y'know how Kobe in the off season would go and like, learn a fucking, y'know a Texas Two-Step or something, to add to his arsenal?
(K) Man, yeah, that's true. That's true.
(J) Well I've just been noticing some of your classic riffs are a little sloppy.
(K) Really?
(J) And I, I hope you're not pissed off at me but I went ahead and hired a dude.
(K) Yeah? Oh no, what!
(J) Dude, just give it a chance will you? If you don't like- ah hey! I swear, if you don't like it we'll fucking fire his ass. He's out.
(K) Who is this guy? I never...
(J) His name is Felix Char [?]
(K) Urgh, what.
(J) He's from Spain and he is the best.
(K) Oh God...
(J) I got him from the fucking London Phildsarmonic. (Meant to be Philharmonic)
(K) Urgh, I just, I don't know him, it seems weird!
(J) Will you just, will you just spend a minute with him?
(K) OK. Alright. I'll spend a minute with him.
(J) OK bro, he's right outside. I'm sending him in.
(K) Oh God, OK. Why? Lessons, so stupid.
(F) Hello?
(K) Uh, hi!
(F) Hello, I am Felix Char.
(K) Hi, uh. Felix? Yeah, um.
(F) Ah, as, Jack as asked me to spend some time with you. Uh.
(K) OK, hm.
(F) One on one. So, while Jack is outside, ah, we will work on your technique.
(K) OK.
(F) Can I see you pick up, is this your guitar here?
(K) Yup. Yeah, I gotta it, I gotta it right over here.
(F) Ah, it is a Fender ay? Is this a Fender?
(K) Ah well, it's a Gibson.
(F) Yes a Gibson, yes. Made by the same, uh, manufacturer. Pick it up please, can you pick it up?
(K) OK. Yeah.
(F) No, no, no, d-d-d-d-d-d-d bap-bap-bap-bap-bap-bap-bap-bap!
(K) What? What'd I do? What'd I do?
(F) You pick it up from the neck! This is not the way you pick up a guitar!
(K) I just picked it up, I just-
(F) No, no, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, cállate tu boca, you pick it up from the body.
(K) The what!
(F) The body.
(K) Oh the body! Body, OK.
(F) I'm sorry about my accent.
(K) I didn't know, I didn't know.
(F) Now listen to me. I want you to play, like it is a woman. You go and play the guitar now. Play.
(K) Uh, OK? Uh.
(F) No, no, no, no, no. You, your fingers. Your fingers are too tight.
(K) They're too tight?
(F) Yes, let me get behind you. Like this, you see?
(K) Oh! Hn.
(F) If I put my finger, on your finger.
(K) Hey!
(F) Then you can feel...
(K) I can! Wait!
(F) Sh, sh, sh, sh, shu! Finger to your mouth. I put my finger on your mouth, on your lips.
(K) Mhmhm!
(F) Yes that's good.
(K) Hey man! What do ye...
(F) Now listen hey, you want to play like an orgasm.
(K) I'm just try- what!?
(F) Feel this. Do you feel that?
(K) Oh God! This is really weird man!
(F) That's my cock.
(K) WHAT!
(F) That's my cock in your butt cheeks.
(K) OH God! Hey!
(F) Do you feel it?
(K) NO!
(F) Now I'm going to touch your cock.
(K) OW!
(F) Let me touch your penis.
(J) It's me!
(K) WHAT?!
(J) It's me. It's JB.
(K) God!
(J) There's no Felix, dude.
(K) What are you doing?!
(J) I'm FUCKING WAKING YOU UP! I'm TRYING TO SHAKE YOUR FOUNDATIONS!
(K) By touching me with your penis?!
(J) YES! By fucking touching your penis! Whatever it takes!
(K) God!
(J) That's all I'm saying dude! I'm making a point! Let's get fucking serious! Let's get fucking physical! Alright. Let's take it from the top.


4. SEÑORITA

Señorita, tasty mamacita
Tell me baby, what's your name
Oh Conchita, won't you have a seat-a
Tell me baby, who's to blame?

I'll fuckin' kill the man who has done you wrong
My body's shakin' out of control

His name is Larry, oh he's really scary
Drinkin' at the fuckin' bar
Tap his shoulder, muscles like a boulder
Tell him that's he's gone too far

He laughs and tells me to fuckin' fuck myself
Now my blood is boilin' over my soul
Hey!

(JB) I'm sorry, I didn't hear that
Did you just tell me to fuckin' fuck myself?

(Larry) Yeah

(JB) Well I'm telling you to step outside

(Larry) Oh really?

(JB) Yeah, we got some things to talk about
A little lady named Conchita

(Larry) Hey!

(JB) Yeah, you harmed her

(Larry) What? Who said? Who are you?

(JB) Yeah, fuck you you piece of shit

When my fist connects at Larry, falls down to the ground
I see he's cut me with a bottle
My pistol rises, cause it's time to double down
Larry runs, I chase him out full-throttle

Dónde estás mi horse? ¡Allí!
Dígame, ¿donde estas Larry? ¿Alli?
¿En las montañas? ¿Donde, en el cañon?
Muy bien, ¿Coldwater Cañon?
Andale, hey, ha, ha

(Larry)
Ah, te llamo mi Conchita
Yo tengo hambre para tu boca
Mira mi cara
Soy el fuego para tu beso
Mi amor

Watchin' Larry in his sanctuary thinkin' that he got away
With Conchita, oh my mamacita, kissing him upon the face
I fuckin' rue the day that I fought for you
Now my mind is spinnin' out of control

Ah I'm sorry mamacita
Oh my little señorita
I ¿? señorita


5. DETH STAR

The world is fucking turning to shit
The earth don't stand a chance
Hurricane typhoon will destroy the city

We've got to clean up the skies and recycle
We've got to stop the overpopulation

But most important of all
We've got to build a Deth Starr

Deth Starr, it's a fuckin' ship
It's a son of a bitch, y'all, and we're building it
It's gonna take us up into the sky
We don't need the earth, we're gonna fuckin' fly sky high

Deth Starr is a son of a bitch, y'all
Gonna take us into outer space
Get your shit together motherfucker
We're gonna start a new human race in the sky
In the sky!
You know we will be rockin' on the Deth Starr
Solar eclipse of the sky

Everybody goin' insane
Futuristic video games
Everybody have a good time
Synthesizing water to wine

But how? How?
I hired a nerd
I fuckin' paid a nerd
It is absurd, but I paid him to build it
Cause I don't know how to build that shit, that's right

There's a vacuum in space
It fuckin' sucks your face
Day or night, you gots to make it airtight
You gotta build that shit, make it out of sight

The fuckin' Deth Starr!
You know we will be rockin' on the Deth Starr
We will be Democratic on the Deth Starr
There will be lots of bonin' on the Starr

Havin' lots of sex with my friends
Givin' [?] ends
Bonin' on a virtual plane
Fuckin' 'til I'm fuckin' insane, oh!

Oh, yeah yeah yeah, right there (Oh)
Bend over that space module (Oh yeah)
Oh, zero gravity fucking (Oh yeah)
Hey look, there's Uranus! (Oh that shit is tight)

We got to build more Starrs
We got to spread out far
Seven strong, we gots to bang a gong
But baby, hold up for now, there's something wrong

What's that?
That's a fuckin' squid
An evil alien squid
Join up ships, we got to let it rips
We got to blow that bitch to another dimension

Deth Starr!
We got to build a hundred of them
Deth Starr!
We spread across the galaxy
Deth Starr!
You know we will be rockin' on the Starr

Deth Starr!
We gotta build a million of them
Deth Starr!
We're spread across the galaxy
Deth Starr!
We must divide and conquer on the Starr

Deth Starr!

So we search the galaxy
For other forms of life
We got to drink their nutrients
To sustain high quality of life

So we scoop up the creatures
Then we put them in a geodesic dome
But the question arises, my friend
What have we become?

Deth Starr!


6. ROADIE

Well it's 3pm, time to lug the gear
Gotta get it on the stage
My muscles flex, my fuckin' sweat will save the day

When I check the mic, I fuckin' check the mic
I fuckin' checka-checka one, two, three
I plug it in, I make a sound as good as can be

Cause the rockers rock, but the roadies roll
Gotta take the mic because I take control
Gotta get that shit up on that fuckin' stage

Because the roadie knows what the roadie knows
And the roadie knows that he wears black clothes
And he hides off in the shadows off the stage

Because the roadie
Looks a thousand miles with his eyes
And when the crowd roars
Brings a tear drop to the roadie's eyes
Tears of pride

Because he brought you the show
But you will never know
He's changing the strings
While hiding in the wings
No matter how hard, the show must go on

Then a beautiful girl come to me
She say, "Hey can I sucka your dick?"
I say, "Yays, I am in love"
Then she quickly say, "I sucked your dick
Now give me that backstage pass
I do not want you roadie, I want KG's chode"

I'm standing at the threshold of your dreams
Without me there'd be no sound from those amps
Without me there'd be no lights on the stage
But you don't applaud for me

No, I am the roadie!
Lonesome warrior searching for his soul
No, I am the roadie!
I make the rock go!

Roadie, roadie, roadie!


7. FLUTES & TROMBONES

(JB) Kage?

(KG) Wha? Hey, wh-what's happenin'?

(JB) What are you doin' here?

(KG) Oh I just, uh, I think I forgot somethin'
Just, ya know

(JB) Wait a second, it's like 2am, in the middle of the night

(KG) Yeah?

(JB) And you're here in the recording studio alone?

(KG) So?

(JB) So whattup? Explain yourself

(KG) I just had to, ya know, come back and uh...

(JB) What I-what's that behind your back?

(KG) It's just

(JB) Is that a flute?
Dude, are you comin' in here at night with a fuckin' flute
And layin' down flute tracks?
You goddamn motherfuckin' stupid piece of shit!

(KG) What's behind your back?

(JB) What do you mean?

(KG) What's behind your back?
What are you doing out here anyway?

(JB) What do you mean what am I doing here?
What are you doing here?

(KG) What? What are you doing here?
You're on my shit about being here
What are you doing here?
What do you have behind your-that's a trombone!

(JB) So what? I was gonna, lay down, fuck you!
I'll fight you!


8. THE BALLAD OF HOLLYWOOD JACK AND THE RAGE KAGE

This is the ballad of Hollywood Jack and the Rage Kage
Nothin' could stop them when Jables and Rage hit the stage
And Hollywood Jack hit the big time and went to make movies
Rage Kage was left far behind in the dust of his dreams

And he grumbled and growled and watched Hollywood Jack on Jay Leno
He bellowed and said he'd be nothing without help from Kage
He burned up the photos of Jables and Kage doin' mushrooms
Fuck him! I don't need no Hollywood Jack, anyway

So Hollywood Jack lived up high on a hill in a bubble
And Rage Kage lived deep in the broiling valley below
Yes the Rage Kage bubbled with rage
He looked at the ground and he looked on the stage
The lava was flowin' and broilin' inside the old Kage

As Hollywood Jack climbed the ladder of stardom before him
He watched as his indie credentials flew right out the door
He'd make millions and then he'd go out and he'd make even more millions
He'd screen KG's calls and snort coke off the ass of a whore

No one respected him, they just rejected him
No one would represent Kage
Left on the streets of his dreams he would cry
And he'd rage, for the stage

Ahahaaa

Then Hollywood Jack got a message that Kage was in trouble
They sent Kage away cause he had gone completely insane
So Hollywood Jack jumped upon a jet plane
And flew all that night through the rain
To be with his friend, and see what remained of his brain

Then Hollywood Jack told the doctors, "You've got to retrieve him
You've got the technology, use the techniques of your trade"
He grabbed their lapels and he screamed, "By God, you must save him!
Because Rage Kage and I, can't you see that we're one and the same?"

Aaaah!

Rage Kage
Oh, Rage Kage
There be magic inside that old name

And you know
That you know
When you're going completely insane

Ah, the Rage Kage
Ah, the Rage Kage
Oh, the lion will roar once again

And you know
Yes, you know
When you're going completely insane

Nothing and no one could harm the old Rage Kage again
Nothing and no one could harm the old Rage Kage again
Nothing and no one could harm the old Rage Kage again
Nothing and no one could harm the old Rage Kage again
Nothing and no one could harm the old Rage Kage again
Hollywood Jack and Rage Kage will ride once again


9. THROW DOWN

Moses came down from the hill
Holding the rules in his hand
Looked all around, suddenly found
No one was listenin' now it's time to throwdown

[Chorus]
So throwdown
Yeah, throwdown
Well throwdown
Throwdown

Jesus turned water to wine
The star in the sky was a sign
They called him a liar, you're not the Messiah
Get out of the temple now it's time to throwdown

[Chorus]

And then came a man I can't name
Because if I do, I'll be maimed
They'll chop off my head and then I'll be dead
You know who I'm talkin' about, it's time to throwdown

[Chorus]

All religions of the world today
We've got to leave them alone
We've got to use our fuckin' brains today
Before we're gone, before we're gone
Right now!

The three of them fought in the rain
The world was completely insane
Sound the alarms, nuclear bombs
You crazy motherfucker, now it's time to throwdown!

[Chorus]


10. ROCK IS DEAD

Rock is dead, rock is dead
Rock is dead, rock is dead
Talk to my friend, that's what he said
Is rock still around? No rock is dead
It's all over, rock and roll is dead

Bottle of jack, Mercury Fred
Muscle car, Grateful Dead
Lord of the Rings, Zeppelin Led
Devil tattoo, Right Said Fred
It's all over, rock and roll is dead

Take it Kones!

Started with blues, Belly of lead
Then there was Elvis, Nicky some red
Beatles arrive, started a trend
Axl Rose, give me some head
It's all over, rock and roll is dead

Rock is dead, rock is dead
Rock is dead, rock is dead
Get that freight train out of my head
Because a rock and a roll is a fuckin' dead
It's all over, rock and roll is dead
It's all over, rock and roll is dead
It's all over, rock and roll
Oh so baby now, rock and roll
R-r-r-r-r-rock and roll
Is dead

Woo


11. THEY FUCKED OUR ASSES

They fucked our asses
They fucked 'em hard
But we kept our indie cred
For the whole nine yards
Ha

They blocked our album
They fucked our show
But we marched through hill and ill
Through the ice and snow
Ha


12. TO BE THE BEST

To be the best, we gotta pass the test
We gotta make it all the way
To the top of the mountain!
We can do it again!

To feel the high, we got to learn to fly
We got to take it to the sky
On the wings of an eagle!
You're the best in the world!

You are the best, but you say you don't know
You've got the touch, now come on let it show
You call the shots
But you know that you gots to believe in
The things that you dream in
You search for the meaning
Is very revealin'
The power of bein'
Is what you're feelin'
You gotta believe!

That you're simply the best!


13. 39

She's 39, but she still looks young
Not very young, but a lot of fun
She's my 39 lady in the sun

49 and I'm feelin' fine
In the sun that's a lot of fun
Drinkin' mai tais, kickin' back with my flip-flops on

I'm wearin' socks and my toe is tight
I think about her every day and night
39 year-old lady, she looks pretty good to me

I'm 49, drinkin' white wine
Not goin' out with no 19 year-old chickities no more
From now on I got my 39 year-old whore
Oh!

Don't you call her a whore
I'll fuckin' tear your esophagus out
She's sweet and she's getting old
And she's mine, to have and to hold

She needs a dentist appointment quick
I pay for it and she sucka my dick
When we text each other, I fiddle with my anus

Ahh, stick a finger in it!
Then a fuckin' didariddly doo
And I fuckin' gots to spew
Upon my belly, dripped upon my shoe
Get me a tissue

Chardonnay in the setting sun
She's 39, but she's number one
Get the apartment just right, she's comin' over tonight

I like it cause I don't feel scared
She's 39, I'm in my underwear
Here she comes, comin' down the hallway
She's knockin' on my door!

I open the door
There she is, not too bad, good enough
39 year-old lady, young enough for me
Boobies droopin', but she's good enough for me
Trimmed up pussy hairs, good enough for me
Mature woman, she's my lady

Uh huh, uh huh, ooh yeah
She ain't gonna be fuckin' around with no other guys
Nanananah-nah, she's mine, she's my special lady
Special lady

We can see fuckin' movie pedigree
It's a total piece of shit
Comfortable shoes, never lose
We can fuckin' talk about some things
She don't need no diamond rings
She don't need no diamond rings