1. KEILBASA

(Spoken)
(KG) Dude, we gotta fuckin' write something new. C'mon.
(Strums)
(JB) I don't like that. So far ba--, off to a bad start.
(Strums again)
(JB) Better, closer, warmer.
(Strums again)
(JB) That's it. Okay.

(Sung)
I love ya baby but all I can think about is
Kielbasa sausage, your butt cheeks is warm.
I check my dipstick, you need lubrication honey,
My kielbasa sausage has just got to perform.
Now get it on!

I see you walkin', but all I can think about is
Dianetics, your butt cheeks is warm.
I check my dipstick, you need lubrication honey,
My kielbasa sausage has just got to perform.
Now I've been set loose-ah,
I'm shooting my juice-ah,
Right in your caboose.
Now fuckin' get it on!
Now get it on.
Get it on!

Dianetics cure ya much better than Krishna,
Dianetics cure ya much better indeed,
And all you people here you're tremendous,
(Except the people in the middle),
And you're smokin' up a big-ass bowl of weed
With me, me and KG.
All right!
Oh yeah,
All right! Oh my God!
All the ladies in the house say yeah (yeah),
C'mon, you muthafucka say a prayer (prayer),
When ya fight, ya gotsta fight fair,
You muthafucka, ho, you muthafucka,
You know what time it is?
Tenacious D time, you muthafucka, go!
Fuck yeah!
Yeah, yeah!

(Spoken)
Dude, that was TNT.


2. ONE NOTE SONG

Jack, yeah, do you think some people?
Do you think that there's some people
That are really, that are actually robots livin' among us?
No, but we can't tell
No, we don't have that technology yet

But Rage, Rage, Rage, yeah, yeah
You know what I was thinkin', stop playin'
I was thinkin' of a fuckin' brilliant song
Yeah, check it out, just do what I do
Okay, just play this note

Then we both keep, just keep both playin' that note
Every once in a while bend it and that's it
And just remember who wrote that song, me baby, me
See it's fuckin' simple, that's one song in the bank

Next song, next song, how could? But it's just one note, next
Anybody could've wrote it, anybody could've done that one song
Just one note, yeah, but guess who did write it, me
Yeah, but did you write this?

Dude, I did, I told you to do
The bendin' every once in a while
Oh, yeah, you did, fuck
I win, shit, I win, one to nothin'


3. TRIBUTE

(Spoken)
This is the greatest and best song in the world... Tribute.

Long time ago me and my brother Kyle here,
we was hitchhikin' down a long and lonesome road.
All of a sudden, there shined a shiny demon... in the middle... of the road.
And he said:
(Sung)
"Play the best song in the world, or I'll eat your soul." (Soul)
(Spoken)
Well me and Kyle, we looked at each other,
and we each said... "Okay."
(Sung)
And we played the first thing that came to our heads,
Just so happened to be,
The Best Song in the World, it was The Best Song in the World.

Look into my eyes and it's easy to see
One and one make two, two and one make three,
It was destiny.
Once every hundred-thousand years or so,
When the sun doth shine and the moon doth glow
And the grass doth grow...

Needless to say, the beast was stunned.
Whip-crack went his Whoopy tail,
And the beast was done.
He asked us: "(snort) Be you angels?"
And we said, "Nay. We are but men."
Rock!
Ahhh, ahhh, ahhh-ah-ah,
Ohhh, whoah, ah-whoah-oh!

This is not The Greatest Song in the World, no.
This is just a tribute.
Couldn't remember The Greatest Song in the World, no, no.
This is a tribute, oh, to The Greatest Song in the World,
All right! It was The Greatest Song in the World,
All right! It was the best muthafuckin' song the greatest song in the world.
(2-part skat)
(Spoken)
And the peculiar thing is this my friends:
the song we sang on that fateful night it didn't actually sound
Anything like this song.
(Sung)
This is just a tribute! You gotta believe it!
And I wish you were there! Just a matter of opinion.
Ah, fuck! Good God, God lovin',
So surprised to find you can't stop it.
(Skat)
All right! All right!


4. WONDERBOY

High above the mucky-muck, castle made of clouds,
There sits Wonderboy, sitting oh so proudly,
Not much to say when you're high above the mucky-muck,
Yeah, yeah,

Wonderboy, what is the secret of your power?,
Wonderboy, won't you take me far away from the mucky-muck, man?

Now it's time for me to tell you about Young Nastyman,
Archrival and nemesis of Wonderboy,
With powers comparable to Wonderboy,
What powers you ask?,
I dunno how 'bout the power of flight?,
That do anything for ya?,
That's levitation, holmes,
How 'bout the power to kill a yak from 200 yards away...,
With mind bullets?,
That's telekinesis Kyle,
How 'bout the power... to move you?,

History of Wonderboy and Young Nastyman,
Riggah-goo-goo, riggah-goo-goo,
A secret to be told, a gold chest to be bold,
And blasting forth with three-part harmony, yeow,

Wonderboy, what is the secret of your power?,
Wonderboy, won't you take me far away from the mucky-muck, man?,

Well, Wonderboy and Young Nastyman joined forces,
They formed a band the likes of which have never been seen,
And they called themselves Tenacious D,
That's right, Me... and KG,

"That's me"

We're now Tenacious D,
Come fly with me, fly,

(Guitar Solo)

Wonderboy, what is the secret of your power?
Wonderboy, won't you take me far away from the mucky-muck, man?,

Oh,
Take my hand,
Young Nastyman, and we'll fly,
Bring out your broadsword,
There's the hydra,
Slice his throat,
And grab his scroat,

You take the high road,
I'll take the low,
There, the crevasse,
Fill it with your mighty juice,


5. HARD FUCKING

We should talk about the hard fucking no
The hard fucking?
Because i think its pretty common complaint
Yeah the ladies don't really like the hard fucking
You feel like your giving them some extra juice
Their not in to that
You think your like taken it to the limit
Maybe they are though in to that
You know what the test is?
You just say get on top honey
You do what you like
And then sometimes she'll be fucking you reall hard
Its like well wait you like that? You like that?
Slow down im going to spurt! AHH UHH Sorry
You shouldn't have fucked me so hard.


6. FUCK HER GENTLY

This is a song for the ladies
Fellas listen closley
You don't always have to fuck her hard
Infact sometimes thats not right to do
Sometimes you've got to make some love
And fucking give her some smooches too
Sometimes you've got squeeze
Sometimes you've got to say please
Sometimes you got to say Hey

I'm gonna fuck you sofetly
I'm gonna screw you gently
I'm gonna hump you sweetly
I'm gonna bone you descretly
The you hey I bought you flowers
Then you say wait a minute Sadly
I've got something in my teeth can you get it out for me
THATS FUCKING TEAM WORK!

What's your favourite posish?
It's cool with me, it's not my favourite but I'll do it for you
What's your favourite dish?
I'm not going to cook it but I'll order it from Zansabare!

And then I'm going to love you completely
And then I'll fucking fuck you discertly
And then I'll fucking bone you completely
And then I'm gonna fuck you harrdddddddddddd

Harrrrrrrrdddddddd.


7. EXPLOSIVO

Climb upon my faithful steed,
Then we gonna ride,
Gonna smoke some weed.
Climb upon my big-ass steed,
And ride, ride, ride.

Weeee-eee-eee-eeeee-eeeee-eee-eee-eeeee-eeeee-eeeee-eeeee,
What's the name of the song,
Explosivo!
Don't know what it's about,
But it's good to go.
What's the name of my girlfriend
I don't know,
But she's built like the shit
And she's good to go, go,
She's good to go,
She's good to go.

We are fuelled by Satan,
Yes we're schooled by Satan.
Fuelled by Satan!
Writin' those tasty riffs
Just as fast as we can.
Schooled by Satan!

We were the inventors
Of the cosmic astral code.
We've come to blow you away,
We've come to blow your nose.
We've come to fuckin' blow,
We've come to blow the show.
We've come to fuckin' blow,
You know it, you know it!

Weeee-eee-eee-eeeee-eeeee-eee-eee-eeeee-eeeee-eeeee-eeeee,
What's the name of the song,
Explosivo!
Don't know what it's about
But it's good to riddle-ah!

I am not one of you. I come from an ancient time.
I am known as The Kicker of Elves. I am also known as The Angel Crusher!

Explosivo.


8. DIO

Dio has rocked for a long, long time,
Now it's time for him to pass the torch.
He has songs of wildebeests and angels,
He has soared on the wings of a demon.

It's time to pass the torch,
You're too old to rock, no more rockin' for you.
We're takin' you to a home,
But we will sing a song about you.

And we will make sure that you're very well taken care of.
You'll tell us secrets that you've learned. Raow!
Your sauce will mix with ours,
And we'll make a good goulash baby.
Dio, time to go!
You must give your cape and scepter to me.
And a smaller one for KG.
Go! Go! Dio! Dio!


9. INWARD SINGING

(Oh my God! Oh my God, I've done it
Cage! Come here, I want you!
What? What? God! I'm sleeping, dude!
What are you talking about)

(Oh my God
What?
I did it
What d'ya do?
I've done it. I fuckin' did it.
The most powerful tool in singing technology since yodelling, dude)

(Oh my God, inward singing
What?
Check it out, it's an invention
And it makes non-stop rocking possible)

(Think about it, man!
Rock singers are only rocking you half of the time!
The other time they're they're they're they're breathing! In!
But not anymore, baby!
Not with inward singing, check it out!)

And then I start some lyrics and you can't believe I'm singing
And I'm never fucking stopping
And I'm always fucking singing
And now you know that I will never stop the fucking singing
I'm like a fucking one-man band
I'm like a fucking one-man band!

(And I can sing like that all fucking night!
Wow)

(It wasn't really non-stop though, there was a slight
Shut up! It is non-stop!
And the other thing is, that when I'm fuckin' singing in
It sounds even better!
Than when I'm singing out!)

(Shut up! Fuck you! You fucking dick!
Always nay-saying everything I create! You piece of shit!
You create something like inward singing! You fucking shit!
You fucking sit in your tower! Fucking nap
What's funny? You fucking bitch! Fucking fuck you!
Fucking cock ass!!)

(You are fired from that
Well that won't be necessary Jack
Why? well I am quiting
What? I quit)


10. KYLE QUIT THE BAND

Last week, Kyle quit the band,
Now we're back together, uh.
Misunderstanding, didn't understand.
It doesn't matter, now we're back together again.
A-la la la la la.
Couldn't split up Kato and Nash. (that's true)
Couldn't split up Tango and Cash.
That's also true!
This is our song of exultant joy because
We only came to kick some ass.
Rock the fuckin' house and kick some ass.
What we gonna do with all the cash?
Smoke hash, and then we thrash.
We'll throw a big ol' bash y'all.
And everyone is invited to the bash.
And everyone you're all invited to the bash!
C'mon Kyle, one time c'mon!
(skat)


11. THE ROAD

The road is fuckin' hard,
The road is fuckin' tough-ah,
There's no question that-eh
It is rough, rough stuff.
It's the fuckin' road my friend
But it's the only road I know.
When I'm lunchin' on a tasty boosh
Right after the show.
You g-go go go!

The road is fuckin' hard,
It's also really fuckin' tough,
There's no question that
It don't take no guff.
The road is a be-a-itch my friend
But it's the only fuckin' road I know,
When I'm snackin' on a tasty boosh
Right after the show.
You g-go go go!

I met a tasty baby in Michigan.
We screwed two times then I left.
Sometimes I think of my baby in Michigan.
Why can't I stay in one place
For more than two days.
Why?!
Because I'm talkin' about the road. (x5)
Road!


12. COCK PUSHUPS

Do you think that um, do you think that when the album, when this is out
Yeah?
Do you think it will make us um, more attractive to the ladies?
Pshh, yeah, in fact, I been getting ready
Yeah?

Yeah, I been doin' cock pushups
Cock pushups?
Yeah
What are those?
It's where you fuckin' lay down flat on the ground
Yeah

And then you let your boner lift you up off the ground
No, that's, that'd be impossible, your cock can support your whole weight?
Well not at first
Yeah?
But over time

Hmm, how, how many pushups can you do?
Cock pushups?
Yeah
I guess you could only do one really
Yeah, well one is all ya need


13. LEE

Lee, Lee, Lee, Lee,
Lee Lee Lee Lee Lee Lee Lee Lee Lee,
We're talkin' fuckin' Lee.

I had a friend named Lee,
He cast a spell a spell on me.
If me and Lee and KG could be three,
Flyin' free Tenaciously,
Skinny-dippin' in a sea of Lee,
I'd propose on bended knee

To Lee Lee Lee, Lee Lee Lee,
Lee Lee,
Lee Lee Lee, Lee Lee Lee,
Lee Lee,
Le-Lut-Le-Le-Le-Lee Lee Lee,
Le-Lut-Le-Le-Le-Lee Lee,

If me, and Lee, and KG, (that's me)
Could be three, (could be three)
Plant a tree, (plant a tree)
Just for Lee, (just for Lee)
Just for Lee, (Lee)
Just for Lee!
Lee, Lee, Lee, Lee, Lee, Lee, Lee, Lee, Lee, Lee, Lee, Lee, Lee, Lee, Lee, Lee
Leeee, Leeee, Leeee:

LEE!


14. FRIENDSHIP TEST

(Phone rings)

(Spoken)
(Click)

(KG) Two Kings.
(JB) Hey Kage.
(KG) Hey!
(JB) How's it goin'?
(KG) Good, good...
(JB) What are you--what are you doin'?
(KG) Oh, god, I was just, I was-
(JB) I love you.
(KG) ...what'd you say?
(JB) I said I love you, man. I just wanted to say it.
(KG) Dude, thanks... thank you... that's awesome. Fuckin' awesome. I mean, uh... that's cool you can say that.
(JB) Don't you have something to say?
(KG) No. (pause) Aw, I mean, I, uh, I like you... I like you too, dude.
(JB) Whoa, whoa. LIKE? HO HO HO, MAN! I'm glad I fuckin' did this test on you, the friendship test!
(KG) What?
(JB) No, man--
(KG) What are you talkin' about?
(JB) That---what happened before when I said I love you, that was a test.
Because, man, I could've made a total ASS of myself if I hadn't done this test on you.
(Whistles) HOO HOO!
(KG) Wait, you don't--
(JB) Boy.
(KG) You don't really love me?
(JB) Dude, listen. You fuckin' passed the test, okay? But BARELY. You know what you got?
(KG) What'd I get?
(JB) F+.

(Click)


15. FRIENDSHIP

Friendship is rare,
Do you know what I'm sayin' to you?
Friendship is rare.
My derriere,
When you find out much later
That they don't really care.
It's rare to me, can't you see?
It's rare to me, can't you see?

Oh shit there's a bear,
Could you hand me that shotgun buddy,
Also that chair?
We're fighting a bear
Now your life's in grave danger
And you don't even care.
It's rare to me, can't you see?
It's rare to me, can't you see?
It's rare to me,
Say a prayer for me,
'Cause it's rare to be
In Tenacious D.

Friends will be friends
They're running naked in the sand,
Friends holding hands
Will someday surely form a band,
Friends will be friends
They say that friends are friends
To the bitter end.
Long-as-there's-a-record-deal-we'll-always-be-friends!
Long-as-there's-a-record-deal-we'll-always-be-friends!

Friends will be friends
They're running naked in the sand,
Friends holding hands
Will someday surely form a band,
Friends will be friends
They say that friends are friends
To the bitter end.
Long-as-there's-a-record-deal-we'll-always-be-friends!
Long as there's a record deal we'll always be friends, yeah


16. KARATE SCHNITZEL

God, I'm fuckin' hungry, let me check the fridge
Dude, where's my fuckin' schnitzel?
Hey, wake up
Wake up, you asshole, wake up
What? Wh?
Wake up
What?
You ate my fuckin' schnitzel
What?
You ate my fuckin' schnitzel

Well it was in there
If you put it in there, then it's fair game
Yeah?
For anybody that wants to eat it
Well then maybe this is fair game, yow
Ow God, hey!
Yeah, that's right its a karate chop!
What are ya doin'?
Well if you didn't like that, how 'bout this?
Kikye, kikye, ow!


17. KARATE

I'am 98.3% sure that this tab is correct, have fun!

With Karate i'll kick your ass,
From here to Tiananmen Square,
O Yeah, motherfucker, im gonna kick you fucking derriere yeah,yeah.
You broke the rules, now ill pull out all your pubic hair
Motherfucker, motherfucker

Kyle betrayed me and then he lied,
Tried to hide, and I died deep inside
And you know the reason why
Iam gonna kick your ass,
From here to right over there,
O yeah motherfucker,
I'am gonna kick your fucking derriere yeah, yeah
You broke the rules, now ill pull out all your pubic hair
Motherfucker, motherfucker


18. ROCK YOUR SOCKS

One, two, three, four, five, SIX SIX SIX!

It doesn't matter if it is good,
It only matters if it rocks.
The main thing that we do is to rock your socks off.
There's no such thing as a rock prodigy,
Cause rock 'n roll is bogus, right KG? ('Right!')
Only thing that really matters is a classical sauce.
And that's why me and KG are classically trained
To rock your fuckin' socks off!
Give 'em a taste, KG.
('Okay.')

That is Bach, and it rocks.
It's a rock block of Bach,
That he learned in the school,
Called the School of Hard Knocks!

Give it up for KG, give it up for me,
Give it up for KG, give it up for me,
Give it up for rock,
Give it up for blues,
Give it up for everything that is not to lose.
Now, rock your socks off, woman,
We'll rock your shit up, y'all.
Give it up, children, now to freak your shit out!
All right!

Now I know what a lot of you are sayin',
'I just figured out what I'm gonna do with the rest of my days.
I'm gonna get me an oversized guitar,
Gain forty pounds, and be the next D.'
Well, I got sour news for you, jack. It ain't that easy.
For instance, are you willing to make the commitment to wakin' up
At the crack a' noon, for deep-knee rock squats?
Seven or eight at a time? In a row!
How 'bout, are you willing to make the commitment
To rock-hard tasty abs, washer-board style!
Glistening in the sun.
How 'bout, are you willin' to make the commitment,
Of wakin' up, goin',
'Okay, it's gig time, what t-shirt am I gonna wear?
I can't decide, can't decide. Brain aneurysm!'
We've been through so much bullshit just to be here tonight
To rock your fuckin' socks off.
And all we ask in return is some precious little...
All we're askin' you to do
Is drop trou
And squeeze out
A Cleveland Steamer on my chest. ('Ooh.')

Two, three, four!
Give it up for KG, give it up for me,
Give it up for KG, give it up for me,
Give it up for rock, give it up for blues,
Give it up for everything that is not to lose.
Now, rock your socks off, woman,
We'll rock your shit up, y'all.
Give it up, children, won't you freak your shit out!
All right!


19. DRIVE-THRU

"Kage"
"Yeah?"
"Let's go to this drive-thru"
"Oh, good, I'm starvin'"

"(?)"
"Yeah, umm"
"Hello?"
"Huh"
"May I have your order?"
"Yeah, hold on a second, I'm lookin' at the menu"

"Okay"
"Ahh"
"Would you like Special Curly Fries?"
"Please don't, don't offer me anything, I'll, I'll tell you what I want"
"Okay"

"Umm, okay, you know how you have the six-piece nuggets?"
"(?)"
"Just, uhh, can you gimme just four nuggets? I'm, I'm tryin' to"
"They come in six or twelve piece, [?] want service?"
"Shut up and listen to my order"

"Take the six nuggets and throw two of them away
I'm just wantin' a four nugget thing
I'm tryin' to watch my calorie intake"
"They come in six or twelve pieces, sir"
"Put two of them up your ass
And give me four Chicken McNuggets"
"(?)"

"Then, can I have a Junior Western Bacon Chee?
A Junior Western Bacon Chee, I'm tryin' to watch my figure"
"Western Bacon Cheeseburger"
"A Junior Western Bacon Chee"
"Would you like that with onions?"
"No onions"
"Okay"
"Uhm"
"Junior Bacon Chee, total is 6.57"

"An' I'm gonna go with a fillet of fish sandwich"
"Fillet of fish"
"Since that has less calories, 'cuz it's fish"
"Fillet of fish"
"Now if you could take a Coca Cola
And just go half Coca Cola, half Diet Coke
'Cuz I'm tryin' to watch my figure, tryin' to loose some of the weight"
"You want it half, half Coca Cola, half Diet Coke"

"Umm, and a small, a small chocolate shake
Because I'm tryin' to watch my figure, not a large, a small"
"It come's in medium-small or medium-large"
"Umm"
"Small chocolate shake"
"Also a small seasoned Curlies"
"Seasoned Curlies"
"Small, seasoned Curlies"
"Okay, I got the small seasoned Curlies, Western Bacon Cheeseburger
"(?)"

"Okay, huh, fuck my ass, what else?
Give me, uhh, alright, Cherries Jubilee and that's it"
"Cherries Jubilee"
"Wait, Kage, what do you want?"
"Ahh, jeez, let me have a"
"I think I want the regular, uhh, Western Bacon Cheeseburger
Large shake, umm, Cesar Salad"

"Oh God, come on with the order"
"I'm"
"Take forever"
"That's all I want, that's all I want"

"Good, how much is that, sir?"
"That'll be, uhh, 14.75"
"At the window please, will you drive up?"
"Do you have any money?"
"Oh shoot, umm, oh God, yeah, I got, do you have, I got like"
"Give it to me"
"Alright, here"

"Okay, we only have, huh, alright
I'm gonna need to cancel the last two things on the order"
"(?)"
"Okay, thank you, let's go"


20. DOUBLE TEAM

(Spoken)
Damn, a hard day's rockin'. Better slip off ma shoes.
Maybe give a little stretch, and a bend.
Dip m'toe to jacuzzi, baby. Slip out this book:
The Buttress of Windsor. Ho ho ho, who's this? How's it goin'?
(Sung)
That's the first thin' I say to you.
How's it goin'? Are you flowin'?
Listen honey,
Thinkin' 'bout a couple things to say to you,
Showin', growin',
Man I'd like to place my hand
Upon your fuckin' sexy ass and squeeze.
And squeeze!

Take off your blouse,
And your underpants,
Then take a look,
'Cause here me and KG come naked,
Out of the side-hatch,
With the oils and perfume and incense.
Now you're groovin',
Put on a cool '70s groove.
A funky groove to fuck to.
A funky groove to fuck to.

Me, me and KG,
It's all about sex supreme,
We likes to cream jeans. (sex)
Have you ever been worked on
By two guys who are hot for your snatch? (sex)
That's what I'm offerin' you.
You step into our room,
And then you smell the perfume,
You lay upon our roundish bed,
And then you feel a tickling on your head.
It's KG with the feather and the French tickler,
Look out baby he got the tools.
And then you feel sumpin' down by your feet.
It's me, it's JB, I'm suckin' upon your toes.

We don't mind sucking on toes!
Good luck finding a boyfriend who sucks toe, ow!
Havin' sex with me and KG,
Now you're talkin' double team supreme.

Let's roll!
Oh!
(2-part) Ahh, oh!

What! Yeah! Huh! Nah! Oh!
Ah, that's it, that's right, ohmygah, oh-I-think-I'm-gonna, Ohh!
Deht! Deht! Eeee!
...Splooge!

(Spoken)
That was the one.

(KG) Hail Satan!
(JB) Hail Satan!
(KG) Hail Satan!
(JB) Hail Satan!


21. CITY HALL

All you people up there in City Hall,
You're fuckin' it up for the people that's in the streets,
This is a song for the people in the streets,
Not the people City Hall,
All you motherfuckers in the streets it's time to rise up,
Come along children and fuckin' rise,

Lots of times when me and KG are watchin',
All the fuckin' shit that goes down at City Hall,
We get the feeling we should fuck shit up,
Yeah we should fuckin' start a riot,
A Riot,

We have 'em screaming in the streets,
We have 'em tippin' over shit,
And breakin' fuckin' windows of small businesses,
And settin' fuckin' fires,
And settin' fuckin' fires,
And settin' fuckin' fires,

And then after the smoke is cleared,
And the rubble has been swept away,
Me and KG will peek out our heads,
We've been watching the riots on a monitor,
Twenty floors below sea level, from a bunker,

We did it Rage-Kage,
We beat the bastards of City Hall,
But now what will we do?,
We must rebuild,
But who will lead us in the rebuilding process?,
Man, it's got to be someone with the know-how,
And the elbow grease to lead us to a new land,
No, not me and KG, we don't have the cognitive capacity to lead...,
Alright, we'll do it,

We'll lead as Two Kings,
We'll lead as Two Kings,
Ahhhaaa..., (Two Kings, we'll lead as Two Kings)
Ah-ha ah-how,
We'll lead as Two Kings,

The first decree is to legalize marijuana,
The tyranny and the bullshit's gone on too long,
You old fuckin' shrivs who blocked it's legalization,
You're banished from the land,

We'll lead as Two Kings,
We'll lead as Two Kings,
Ahhhaaa..., (Two Kings, we'll lead as Two Kings)
Ah-ha ah-how,
Lead as Two Kings,

The second decree,
No more pollution,
No more car exhaust,
Or ocean dumpage,
From now on we will travel in tubes,

We'll lead as Two Kings,
Oh, yeah,
We'll fuckin' lead as Two Kings,

Get the scientists working on the tube technology, immediately.
(Tube technology)
Chop, chop, let's go,

Third decree: no more... rich people, and poor people.
From now on, we will all be the same,
Um, I dunno,
I gotta think about that...,

We'll lead as Two Kings,
Ah yeah, ah yeahhhahahaha,
Ha-ha-ho-hee, ha-ha-ho-hee-ha-ha-ho-ho-ho-ho,

"Oh my God"
"Ahh... What?"
"Dude, the red phone is flashing"
"Oh, yeah"
"Let me scoop that up, Hello? Two Kings"
"Who is it?"
"What?! No, no fucking way"
"What?"
"Rage, there's a potato famine in Idaho, you gotta go down there"
"Oh my God... what?"
"Dude, I gotta stay here"
"Why do I have to go?"
"Please, please,"
"Oh, God, okay"
"Awesome... is he gone?"

Alright, emergency meeting of Parliament,
All right Parliament, I know this is fucked up,
But Rage, he can't be King anymore,
Dudes, he's encroaching on my decrees,
Seriously, let's make him "Duke", a kick ass "Duke",
Or "leader formerly known as King," but...,
Uh oh he's comin' back...,

We'll lead as Two Kings, oh yes,
We'll really lead as Two Kings,

"Uh, dude?"
"Rage"
"I went all over Idaho..."
"Yeah?"
"Uh, plenty of potatoes everywhere"
"What? There was no famine?"
"Yeah, there was no famine, no"
"Dude"
"I don't know what's uh..."
"A toast..."
"A toast..."
"Long live the D"
"Long live the D"

"Long live me. I'm sorry, I poisoned your wine"
"What?"
"For the good of the land"
"You p-- I poisoned yours... huh heh, as well"
"Noooooooooo"
No!

City, city, city, city, city, city, shitty,
Shitty, city, shitty, shitty, city, city, shitty,
Hall, hall, hall, hall, hall, hall, hall, hall,

People inside me are askin' me to smoke up City Hall,
'Cause no one here is talkin',
People inside me are askin' me to blow up City Hall,
'Cause no one here is rockin',

People inside me are askin' me to blow up City Hall,
'Cause everyone is Rock-'em Sock-'em Robots,
Everyone is Rock-'em Sock-'em Robots,
Everyone is Rock-'em Sock-'em GO, OH,

"Don't, cut that part out"

"We've got it"

"Um, do you believe in God?
"I believe, I believe"
"You do?"
"I believe in God, I believe in God"
"(laughs) You do?"
"I believe in God"
"Do you?"
"I believe in God"