1. THERE, THERE

You're just trying to read but I'm always standing in your light
You're just trying to sleep but I always wake you up to apologize

I'm sorry I don't laugh at the right times

I know how it seems when I always sing to myself in public
I babble on like a mad man
I know how it seems when I'm always staring off into nothing
I'm lost in my head again

I'm sorry I don't laugh at the right times
Is this what it feels like?

I've got my heart strung up on clothing line through tenement windows in mid-July
I've got my heart strung up on clothing line through tenement windows

I'm sorry I don't laugh at the right times
Is this what it feels like with my wings clipped?
I'm awkward and nervous
I'm awkward and nervous


2. PASSING THROUGH A SCREEN DOOR

Cigarette smoke dances back in the window
And I can see the haze on the dome light
I’m conjuring ghosts on a forty hour ride home
And they keep asking me what I’m doing with my life

While my cousins go to bed with their wives
I’m feeling like I've fallen behind

Well, the highway won
I’m listening to traffic reports one on one
Coming quietly undone
I was born to run
Away from anything good
An escape artist's son
Sun-drenched pavement in my blood

The first thing that I do when I walk in is find a way out for when shit gets bad and

[Chorus]
I’ve been looking for
Tears in the screen door (tears in the screen door)
I’ve been waiting for
Another disaster (another disaster)

Well I’m terrified
Like a kid in the sixties
Staring at the sky
Waiting for the bomb to fall
And it’s all a lie
What they say about stability
It scares me sometimes
The emptiness I see in my eyes

And all the kids names I've ever liked recited tragedy.
And I don’t want my children growing up to be anything like me

[Chorus]

But I was kinda hoping you'd say
I was kinda hoping you'd stay

I keep a flashlight
And a small knife
In the corner of my bed stand.
I keep a flashlight
And the train times
But you wouldn't understand.
How could you understand?

Jesus Christ. I'm 26.
All the people I graduated with,
All have kids,
All have wives,
All have people who care if they come home at night.

Well, Jesus Christ, did I fuck up?

[Chorus]

But I was kinda hoping you'd say
I was kinda hoping you'd stay
I was kinda hoping you'd stay


3. WE COULD DIE LIKE THIS

Memories flood back like photographs,
All bright and out of focus, all drab with muted colors.
The whole world smells like True Blue, the only brand my grandma smokes
And the faintest hint of Coppertone.
I'm watching shorebirds circle in real close.

I know you're gonna go.
Just please leave me a note.
I left because you asked me to.

[Chorus]
Operator, take me home.
I don't know where else to go.
I wanna die in the suburbs.
A heart attack shoveling snow all alone.
If I die, I wanna die in the suburbs.

These northeast winters make boys into men,
Staring out at snow-plowed mountains in the parking lots of churches.
The city just felt worn out, no strength to pick our hearts off the ground.
We watched the '92 Birds take the field without Jerome Brown.

We keep quiet when it gets bad.
We don't talk about the setbacks.
They only hear it when your voice cracks.

[Chorus]

I wanna die in the suburbs. (x8)

[Chorus](x2)

I'll die in the suburbs.


4. DISMANTLING SUMMER

I'm pulling wings off insects
I'm peeling back my sunburnt skin
I'll wait outside your bedroom
I, I hope they let me in

I'm filling your prescriptions
The orange bottles stare me down
They're standing at attention
An army on your windowsill

We're all waiting for good news
Hoping you can come home soon
We're all waiting for good news

[Chorus]
I've been acting like I'm strong
But the truth is, I've been losing ground
To a hospital too crowded,
A summer winding down
I hadn't seen a heartbreak until now
I hadn't felt a heartbreak until now

I grew up on your back porch
And I watched the storms light up the clouds
They hung like paper lanterns
To guide the way back toward your house

I've been putting off long flights
Hoping that you'll be alright
And I'll be there in the meantime

[Chorus]

[Bridge](x2)
If I'm in an airport
And you're in a hospital bed
Well then what kind of man does that make me?

If I'm in an airport (x2)
What kind of man does that make me? (x2)

[Chorus]

Hadn't felt a heartbreak until now
Hadn't felt a heartbreak
Oh the hospital's too crowded
The summer's winding down
I haven't seen a heartbreak until now
Well, I haven't felt a heartbreak until now


5. THE BASTARDS, THE VULTURES, THE WOLVES

I'm angry like I'm 18 again
And walls are closing in
But the bastards, and the vultures,
All want pieces of what's left
We built this out of sweat and spit
With our hearts in place of brick
But I'll burn it to the ground
Before you get your hands on it

[Pre-Chorus]
So bury me at sea
(Let's pretend it's all a bad dream)
Let me get some sleep
(We'll deal with it in the morning)

[Chorus]
I'm waking up to gospel radio
From sleeping with my clothes on
I ended up as food for wolves
For trying to take the world on
I'm wondering where you would be without me
Where you would be without me
Where you would be without me
Where you would be without me
Where you would be

I know I was an angry kid
But I scraped and scratched for this
Now I'm stuck holding a bomb
With a fuse that's still lit
They'll never let me rest again
And yeah I came out swinging
But I'm still walking out with two black eyes and a split lip

[Pre-Chorus]

[Chorus]

Jake says I got good intentions
And I said that I hope he's right
Cause I've been burning every bridge
That I can fucking find tonight
The devil's got a rifle on my front porch
With me in his sights
He knows I came looking for a fight

[Outro](x5)
I came here looking for a fight
I came here looking for a fight
I came here looking for a fight
I came here


6. THE DEVIL IN MY BLOODSTREAM

We wiped out all the Buffalo
Around the turn of the last century,
And so it's factories and sawgrass,
Wheat fields and asphalt laid in front of me.
The Midwest feels like a hollow place
That we filled with love and industry.
And we're staring at the frozen ground in Goodwill suits,
Silent as the pastor reads the eulogy.
Well I wanted to see just a little bit of everything.
Let me be.

[Chorus]
Two blackbirds on a highway sign
Are laughing at me at four in the morning.
They played the war drum out of time
So I'm not sure where I've been marching.
I wanna be strong, but it's not easy anymore.

I'm hoping I'm wrong.

It's sixteen hours straight to home
From the heart of North Missouri,
And so I searched through my great-grandpop's memoirs
For the devil in my bloodstream.
Depression grabbed his throat
And choked the life out of him slowly.
I've got the same blood coursing through my veins
And it'll come for me eventually.

I bet I'd be a fucking coward.
I bet I'd never have the guts for war,
'Cause I can't spend another month away from here.
These frantic rest stop phone calls don't get answered anymore.
But I, I wanted to know if I could please come home.
So let me know.

[Chorus]

[Bridge](x2)
I'm hoping I'm wrong.
I know how it feels to be
At war with a world
That never loved me.

[Chorus]

I wanna be strong.
I wanna be strong, but it's not easy anymore.


7. TEENAGE PARENTS

You climb six lonely sad stairs to your apartment
After another graveyard shift in the cold dull light of morning.
You walked in just in time to catch her as she's leaving
But the schedules and the conflicts kept the roof over our heads.
You said you were strong and naive and
If you were scared, well, I would understand.
I don't think I would have had the guts to handle it.

[Chorus]
All we had were hand-me-downs.
And all we had was good will
And you always said it would get better.
"When you're young and you're poor, they hang on your failures."
And you always said it would get better.

We bought our first house at the advent of the 90s
A Cape Cod on a busy street that we swore we'd fix eventually.
Winter of '93, we got by with kerosene
A heater in the living room, we huddled around shivering and me
Trying to get to sleep.
My clothes will smell of smoke for weeks.
Just trying to get to sleep.

[Chorus]

I'm sick of seeing ghosts. I won't be here forever.

My mother wore a sundress on the day that she got married.
They held the wedding in a backyard near the city.
I was just one then, I would never remember it
But I heard the voices and implications
Telling me who I could never be.

And all we had were hand-me-downs.
And all we had was good will.

[Chorus]


8. CHASER

When you clear out all the smoke, the memories of those years
Seem dimly lit like I never replaced a light bulb.
When you clear out all the smoke, they found me on your neighbor's lawn,
Rambling on, dizzy and upset and freezing cold.
But I know how it looked when I fell to pieces around you.

[Chorus]
I'm a chaser but I found stronger winds.
If you believe her, there's no going home again.
I'm a chaser, I found stronger winds.
If you believe her, there's no going home.
I'm not going home, I got suckered in.

Please, don't make me feel like a disaster.
I'm learning how to put the pieces back together
And turn the aching to composure.
I'm thinking with my head first;
No more broken phones or swollen knuckles
From putting holes in the booth by the back wall.

[Chorus]

When you clear out all the smoke, I guess everyone's alone.
When you clear out all the smoke, I don't see why that's so wrong.

[Chorus]

I got suckered in.
There's no going home, I got suckered in.
There's no going home again.


9. AN AMERICAN RELIGION (FSF)

Sorry for what's in the magazines.
I know it wasn't fair of me but
I'm spitting ink onto the pages like blood through broken teeth.
I can see the gallows all lit up in neon just waiting for me.
The limelight started burning.

[Chorus]
They're all paying for bullets to shoot at my feet.
Does that make you happy?
They're all paying for bullets to shoot at my feet.
Does that make you happy?
Does that make you happy?

Truman will always be remembered for dropping the bomb.
I'll always be remembered for my fuck ups but I'm
Still living in Richie's basement.
I'm still sitting at the coffee shop with Ken.
We still talk about nothing.
I still feel like the same person I've been.
I knew a lot of talented kids who got
Lost in painkillers and turned into nothing.
Sometimes I can still feel it pulling but I
Just can't let that happen.

[Chorus]

Does that make you happy?


10. A RAINDANCE IN TRAFFIC

I'm fanaticizing about doing a raindance in traffic.
I'm fanaticizing about a storm to wash me away.
If you'd study the laugh-lines, you'd see that I'm cracking.
But I spent six months now feeling like dead weight

[Chorus]
The fighter in me must have died a long time ago.
I must have been watching his ghost;
Just going through the motions, just putting on a face.
It feels like 1929 and I'm on the verge of a great collapse today.

Every window in this house faces a brick wall.
And I'm panicked and absent like a bird in a cage.
The word from the front lines says that we're out-gunned
But I can't walk away, no, I can't walk away, no, I can't.

[Chorus]

[Bridge](x2)
I was just happy to be a contender.
I was just aching for anything.
And I used to have such steady hands but
Now I can't keep 'em from shaking.

Can't keep 'em from shaking.
I can't keep 'em from shaking.
I can't keep 'em from shaking.
I can't keep 'em from shaking.
Can't keep 'em from shaking.
Can't keep 'em from shaking.


11. MADELYN

Madelyn, I share your hate for this world we're in,
But it makes me a better man.
It's an excuse that you make.
And Madelyn, I know you want to let the bottles in.
I know you think that they're all your friends.
They're lying straight to your face.
I know about the devil in your bloodstream.
And I know that the ghosts still visit nightly.
I know it must get lonely by the Chesapeake.

And Madelyn, are you really afraid of death
Or do you just say it if it's the right thing to say?
And Madelyn, I know you're safe where you lay your head,
But if you wanted to come back, I've got a place you could stay.
If I'm not doing right by my family,
Then what's the point of it anyway?

[Chorus](x2)
I don't think there's a god.
I don't think that there's someone coming to save us
And I don't think that's the worst news of the day.

So Madelyn, I know how your cold scars turn purple.
I know how the Irish goodbyes feel, I know where you've been.
And Madelyn, you and I got this East Coast blood between us.
It's bitter and vitriolic, I know how it ends.

If I'm not doing right by my family...
Oh, I'm not doing right by family.


12. CUL-DE-SAC

I've been leaving messages on an answering machine
In a house that's always empty, so I know nobody's listening.
I've been confessing my transgressions over tape hiss
And the silence makes me sick.
No good can come from this.

[Chorus]
I'm letting go.
I've been holding on like poison ivy
Out of cold suburban concrete
From this careless urban sprawl.
I'm letting go.
You know we can't keep out of trouble.
I thought my kids would call you uncle.
I thought we'd never be alone.

I've got images of you inside my head
Outside of the gas station where we always used to shoplift.
It's car-crash rhetoric.
We fucked up everything we came in contact with.
Just boyhood recklessness.

[Chorus]

I'm letting go.

If you walked me home, you'd know how weak my arms got.
I just can't carry you.
If you walked me home, I know I'd have flashbacks
Of snow angels and gut laughs.
If you walked me home... but you won't.
You're all alone on some bullshit, pill-bottle vision quest.
If you walked me home, I don't know when I would finally
Work up the backbone to walk alone.

I'm letting go
'Cause I loved you, but I have to.
I'm letting go.
You know we can't keep out of trouble.
I thought my kids would call you uncle.
I thought we'd never be alone.
I'm letting go.
If you walked me home...


13. I JUST WANT TO SELL OUT MY FUNERAL

Clear the apartment.
I plan on collapsing and I could have sworn I heard a car door slam.
I'm stuck at the corner of grinding teeth and stomach acid,
All alone under a soft rain and streetlamp.
I spent my life weighed down by a stone heart,
Drowning in irony and settling for anything.
Somewhere down the line all the wiring went faulty.
I'm scared shitless of failure and I'm staring out at where I wanna be.

[Chorus]
I just want to sell out my funeral.
I just want to be enough for everyone.
I just want to sell out my funeral.
Know that I fought until the lights were gone.

I'm walking through harbors and churchyards.
I felt the snow crack under my feet.
And I'll stay thankful for mild winters, for every shot I got at anything.
I'll blame the way that I was brought up or the flaws that I was born with
Or the mistakes that I've made; they're all just fucking excuses.
So bury me in the memories of my friends and family.
I just need to know that they were proud of me.

[Chorus]

Oh, we all wanna know.
Where'd the American dream go?
Did you give up and go home?
Am I here alone?
Oh, when the credits roll,
I'll watch as the screen glows;
The moments when I choked, all the fears that I've outgrown.
At least I hope so.

I was just happy to be a contender.
I was just aching for anything.
And I used to have such steady hands
But now I can't keep 'em from shaking.

Oh I'm sorry I...
I'm sorry I don't laugh at the right times.
Is this what it feels like with my wings clipped?

I'm awkward and nervous. (x4)

But I was kind of hoping you'd stay.
I was kind of hoping you'd stay.
I was kind of hoping you'd stay.
I need you to stay.
Oh, god, could you stay?
I need you to stay.
I need you to stay.
I need you.

If I'm in an airport and you're in a hospital bed,
Well then, what kind of man does that make me?
If I'm in an airport and you're in a hospital bed,
Well then, what kind of man does that make me?
If I'm in an airport, if I'm in an airport

What kind of man does that make me? (x3)

I know how it feels to be at war with a world that never loved me.
(I know how it feels to be at war with a world that never loved me)
All we had were hand me-downs... All we had were hand me-downs...
(I know how it feels to be at war with a world that never loved me)
All we had was good will.

Two blackbirds on a highway sign
Are laughing at me here with my wings clipped.
I'm staring up at the sky
But the bombs keep fucking falling.
There's no devil on my shoulder;
He's got a rocking chair on my front porch
But I won't let him in.
No, I won't let him in.

'Cause I'm sick of seeing ghosts
And I know how it's all gonna end.
There's no triumph waiting.
There's no sunset to ride off in.
We all want to be great men
And there's nothing romantic about it.
I just want to know that I did all I could with what I was given.