1. (SHE WAS A) HOTEL DETECTIVE

She's got her ear to the walls and she's tappin' the calls
If you've got a secret boy, forget about it, 'cause she's a

Hotel Detective
My little
Hotel Detective
Yeah she's a
Hotel Detective
Why don't you check her out

Well the bellhop is funky
The dumbwaiter's a monkey
If there's a knock at the door, boy, forget about It, 'cause she's a

Hotel Detective
My little
Hotel Detective
Yeah
Hotel Detective
Cone on and check her out

She says she likes my face
She says she owns the place
Forget about it, 'cause she's a

Hotel Detective
My little
Hotel Detective
Come on her
Hotel Detective
Why don't you check her out

Hotel Detective
Come on and swing with me
Hotel Detective
From the top of a tree
Hotel Detective
And make me feel like a bee
Hotel Detective
That's where I want to know you


2. KISS ME, SON OF GOD

I built a little empire out of some crazy garbage
Called the blood of the exploited working class
But they've overcome their shyness
Now they're calling me Your Highness
And a world screams, "Kiss me, Son of God"

I destroyed a bond of friendship and respect
Between the only people left who'd even look me in the eye
Now I laugh and make a fortune
Off the same ones that I tortured
And a world screams, "Kiss me, Son of God"

I look like Jesus, so they say
But Mr. Jesus is very far away
Now you're the only one here who can tell me if it's true
That you love me and I love me

I built a little empire out of some crazy garbage
Called the blood of the exploited working class
But they've overcome their shyness
Now they're calling me Your Highness
And a world screams, "Kiss me, Son of God"
Yes a world screams, "Kiss me, Son of God"


3. FOR SCIENCE

There has been a spacecraft sighted
Flying high above the sky
Sirens declare there's one among us from Venus

Volunteers, we need volunteers
Soldiers to meet them
Have no fear
Have no fear
You will be killed right away

I will date the girl from Venus
Flowers die and so will I
Yes, I will kiss the girl from Venus for science

I'm so brave
I'm so brave
I'll be her love slave

He's so brave
He's so brave
He'll be her love slave forever

Yes, I will date the girl from Venus
Flowers die and so will I
Yes, I will kiss the girl from Venus for science

Let's get those missiles ready to destroy the universe!


4. THE BIGGEST ONE

The water running down that pipe
Looks like a snake to me
By "Doc's Sugar Bowl" my coffee gets cold
Because I don't want to see that
I've got no one to blame but my fat self
I've got no one to blame but my fat self
I'm the biggest one
I'm the biggest one
I've got no one to blame but my fat self

Should have changed that stupid lock
Should have thrown away the key
No, no, not I, I will survive
Right down here on my knees 'cause
I've got no one to blame but my fat self
I've got no one to blame but my fat self
I'm the biggest one
I'm the biggest one
I've got no one to blame but my fat self


5. MR. KLAW

A claw is a claw
And, and, and nobody has seen a, a talking claw
Nobody has seen a talking claw
Unless, unless that claw is the famous, the famous
Unless that claw is the famous
Mr. Klaw
Mr. Klaw
Mr. Klaw
Mr. Klaw

(Mr. Klaw) Mr. Vanity Klaw
(Mr. Klaw) Mr. Lightning Bulb
(Mr. Klaw) Mr. Vanity Klaw
(Mr. Klaw) Mr. Dental Flaw
(Mr. Klaw) Mr. Vanity Klaw


6. UNTITLED

What do you think-what do you make out of that recording?
I don't know, Gloria, I just-
Some kind of singing. They sound like all kinds of people, right?
Yeah.
And then it says "Another child is born in India every time you call this number," right?
Yeah, right.
Does that make any sense to you?
No, it doesn't make no sense to me.
And the guy that spoke-I don't know who he is.
Yeah.
But that-it doesn't sound like no answering machine, right?
No, it ain't an answering machine because they're not saying anything, they're just-
But what does he get-how does he make money on this? Whatever he's advertising in the paper, that's the part that don't make no sense.
Oh, he's advertising this in the paper you saw it.
In the Village Voice, yeah. They got-that's where the Kiss Clinic, but they give you another number if you wanna join it. And I got "Intellectuals meet with other intellectuals."
Yeah.
"Speak another language."
Yeah. Oh.
They meet at La Mai-La Maisonette restaurant. They give you the price. Then they give you another number to call if you're interested. This guy, all you get is this here recording, but I don't see how he makes money.
Yeah, yeah.
You know what I'm saying? It's just-they got the craziest things in that paper.
Yeah.
They come over with all-they got the craziest things. But this one here- "There Must Be Giants," it's called. And it says, "Call machine," and they got the phone number.
Yeah.
But what kind of money does he make? It don't make no sense. Well, he don't make any money, right?
No.
But, then-then he's a nut, right? Do you see-do you see any sense to that? "There May Be Giants?" That re-that recording I have on. The new one. Did you hear it? I changed it. I took off the intellectuals. I put on There May Be Giants.
What?
Who's They May Be Giants?
What are you talking about?
That's what's on my-the phone, There May Be-argh, well I can't explain it. 'Cause I don't know what it is. Look in the paper, don't blame me if the guy's a nut.