1. URBAN CIRCUS

Push my head against the window
Stare into the blank
Snowflakes dampen all my happiness
The heat they burn does not reach me inside
I see only dark in the light

The sun does not rise high enough to burn the dark away
The moon is not quite bright enough the stars are scatterbrained

I run outside and search in vain
Battling winds that try to constrain
Looking for anything that brings me back what’s restricted in my brain
But I draw only blanks and lose faith in this game

Where is my sun, where is my sun?
It’s all gray

The sun does not rise high enough to burn the dark away
The moon is not quite bright enough the stars are scatterbrained
The sun does not rise high enough to burn the dark away
The moon is not quite bright enough the stars are scatterbrained

Look, it’s all gray


2. I DON'T LOVE YOU ANYMORE

Turn up the music as you’re crying in your room
Drown out the fighting of the bride and groom
Caught in between they both think you’re on their side
When you’re just waiting for the shouting to subside

Generations of broken vows
Congregations of drawn arms
But let’s all put on a happy face
Pretend that we’re not the ones at fault

No, we’re not confrontational
No, we’re not being difficult
No, we’re not irresponsible
The situation’s under control
You just don’t listen to me anymore
You just look the other way when I call
No, it’s not my fault that
I don’t love you anymore

Seems too early but you’re going to decide
That it’s not worth trying to fix the broken kind
You’re just hoping that when it comes, your time
That you’ll be happy for the rest of your life

No, no, no, no, no, I don’t love you anymore
No, no, no, no, no, I don’t love you anymore

To have and to hold, from this day forward
For better or for worse, for rich or for poor
Through sickness and through health, to love and to cherish
I don’t love you anymore

No, we’re not confrontational
No, we’re not being difficult
No, we’re not irresponsible
The situation’s under control
You just don’t listen to me anymore
You just look the other way when I call
No, it’s not my fault that
I don’t love you anymore


3. FUNERAL

I will not attend your funeral
I will not be there to morn
I do not like the smell of flowers
I do not like the weight of dark flowers

Look what love does to me

I will not attend your funeral
I will not worship your bones
I do not like you when your hands are cold
I do not like you when your eyes are closed

Look what love does to me

I will not accept your betrayal
I will not be left alone
How could I go on without you
You are my creator aren’t you

Aren’t you, you are my creator aren’t you
Aren’t you, you’re the one that teaches me aren’t you
Aren’t you, you’re the one that guides me aren’t you
Aren’t you, you’re the one that guards me aren’t you
Aren’t you, you’re the one that loves me aren’t you
Aren’t you, you’re the one that saves me aren’t you

So please, don’t let me know when you die
(‘cause I don’t want to know)
And I’ll keep writing to you now and then
(just like I always do)
I’ll be upset when you don’t respond
And I...


4. I'VE BEEN THIS WAY BEFORE

You’ve been scratching at the back of my head
In my dreams you’ve been lurking in my bed
I’ve been begging, pleading, wishing you’re the cure for my condition
You’re the beast that paints my room bright red

You’ve been tapping, banging, smashing on my door
Knock my brains out leave them leaking on the floor
I’ve been choking, coughing, sneezing, you smoke into the air I’m breathing
Got a feeling that I’ve been this way before

In your mouth I see lines as they run down to your heart
And the sight of your lips turning white from a kiss
And the words that you say as you turn me away
You know, I think I’ve been this way before

I took a bucket and I filled it with some ants
That I picked up while they scurried on the ground
I drove them straight to your place to see the look on your face
But when I got there you were nowhere to be found

I searched through every crack and every pore
And as I brushed away the dust on your drawer
I saw your family picture and your wife.... I bet you missed her
I know I must have been this way before

On your face I see lines withered melting over time
So erotic your decay, slowly thinning away
And the words that I say as your hair turns to gray
I know I must have been this way before

La la la la la...


5. AFTER YEARS OF LOVE

I won’t miss you in bad weather, sometimes it will rain
I can melt our memories and pour them down the drain
I can rip into your chest and stop the pulse within
And I won’t think of you again ‘til the loneliness sets in

And I won’t wake up in a sweat, ashamed and freezing cold
I won’t recall the day we met, and how you made me whole
And I won’t hold on to the love we shared. and all that could have been
And I won’t think of you again ‘til the hopelessness sets in

And when I wake up
I will miss you in bad weather
I will miss you in bad weather
I will miss you in bad weather
I will miss you in bad weather


6. LITTLE SPECKS OF CALCIUM

Little specks of calcium, crumble from your breath
Words that fly like catapults, leave me paralyzed and deaf
Pupils still a beating heart, skin doused in beads of sweat
You peel away my disguise, exposing naked flesh

Invade, you invade me
Piercing radiance, I have no defense
I can’t stand to see
Deep within my self I am nothing else

But you are cold, frozen, cold frozen
(And you are burning me alive)

Secrets whispered violently, spit grazes my ear
Vibrations run down my spine, as you pin me here
I would give you anything, but you tear it all away
You can keep that part of me, I hate it anyways

Invade, you invade me
Piercing radiance, I have no defense
I can’t stand to see
Deep within my self I am nothing else

But you are cold, frozen, cold frozen
(And you are burning me alive)


7. STYROFOAM HEART

I gave her a fake smile, she threw me a real frown
Styrofoam heart buried in the ground
I ask her how she felt, she told me she didn’t know
When the water rises high where will she be, who will I hold

Everything is crumbling, decaying, falling apart
We let this happen in the first place (we were fragile from the start)
Aliens in our own skin, stranger in our neighborhood
Hope the last two people on earth will

Love each other like no one could
Love each other like no one could

I wrote her a letter on laminated paper
A dripping mess of marker all around
And when she opened the message, and just could not read it
She stormed outside and threw it on the ground

Everything is crumbling, decaying, falling apart
We let this happen in the first place (we were fragile from the start)
Aliens in our own skin, strangers in our neighborhood
Hope the last two people on earth will

Love each other like no one could
Love each other like no one could

She dug up my cold white heart and dropped it in my hands
She looked away from me and said she couldn’t understand
How could I hide this for so long, I kept it here for years
I let it rot beneath our feet, suppressing all my tears
She put out her cigarette, and reached for another
Styrofoam heart in my hand, melting in the sun


8. NAVE

Do you rise in the dark
Do you sink in the mud
Does the air weigh you down
Do you wish sometimes do you wish that you’d just drown

I’ve been a liar, and you are much wiser
But I’m trying to reach out to you

And if you loathe me for all the things that I do
Just know that I will always love you
(because you’re my only one)

Do the spirits help you forget about it all
Do the embers make you feel good only for so long
Do the ashes make your body wheeze and complain as it strains
Trapped and smothered in a torturous state

The strength of your heart that does not break
From the weight of life that chokes you in its wake
You are so brave, you are so brave

Untie, untie this wretched knot

Are you caught between the dark and the dawn
Are you left with a blank canvas after all you’ve drawn
Does your face stare back in the dead depths of the mirror
Are you looking for an edge, a sharp edge that will cut it all away

But it’s only more pain, it’s another part of you bleeding you away
You don’t look at me but I have two hands willing to help you
Untie that wretched knot that’s eating you away