1. CHICKENS

All on my own and I just can't cope
I haven't seen a hot dinner or a bar of soap
Since you left me bereft of hope
Now all I ever seem to do
Is mope around my tiny little council flat
Nothing up my sleeve, nothing under my hat

And the clock just keeps on ticking
There's nobody here but this chicken
And the clock just keeps on ticking
There's noboty here but us chickens

All on my own and it echoes when I cough
My life seems to flutter by like a moth
Shaking all the empty cans, nothing but froth
Nothing to cook with and nothing to eat off
Came the wheels, down fell the facade
I thrilled to your squeals as I twisted my blade

And the clock just keeps on ticking
There's nothing here but this chicken
And the clock just keeps on ticking
There's nobody here but us chickens

And the clock just keeps on ticking
There's nothing here but this chicken
And the clock just keeps on ticking
There's nobody here but us chickens

And the clock just keeps on ticking (x2)


2. YOU CAN'T HURT ME ANYMORE

I am alone
But once I was not
I've got a chill
Where once I was hot
I had a life
But I gave it to you
You took my heart
And tore it in two
Just a glimpse of your behind used to make my day
I didn't mind that you drove my friends away
All we've gotta do is paper over the cracks
Get back to making like the beast with two backs

I fell in love with you because you were a girl
I still love the female form so let's give it a whirl

You can't hurt me any more
You can't hurt me any more
I've been through the pain
And never again will it hurt
Like you hurt me before
You made me pay
All my attention to you
You went with Chuck, Buck and Ian
To name but a few
Infatuated by you
I thought that things were going well
You lfet me on my own without a snowflake's hope in hell

I can't put my finger on what you did right
I still think about you almost each and every night

You can't hurt me any more
You can't hurt me any more
I've been through the pain
And never again will it hurt
Like you hurt me before


3. ASHAMED

Making stars out of ordinary people
Doesn't make any sense
And if you're that fascinated with the boy next door
Then why don't you climb over the fence
Big Brother, X Factor
I used to be a celebrity
I am fully prepared to eat a spider
If you put me on the TV

We should be ashamed of ourselves
It's only cos we watch this shit
That they keep on making more of it
We should be ashamed of ourselves
It's only cos we watch this shit
That they keep on making more and more of it

Why in God's name do we celebrate mediocrity
Who in their right minds would aspire to being ordinary
Fame Academy, Pop Idol
It's making me suicidal
Love Island, Hell's Kitchen
Every contestant is a waste of skin

We should be ashamed of ourselves
It's only cos we watch this shit
That they keep on making more of it
We should be ashamed of ourselves
It's only cos we watch this shit
That they keep on making more and more and more and more of it

It's fucking shit yeah
We should be ashamed of ourselves
It's only cos we watch this shit
That they keep on making more of it
We should be ashamed of ourselves
Oh yeah

It's only cos we watch this shit
That they keep on making more and more and more and more
And more and more and more and more
And more and more and more


4. I'VE MET JESUS

Worked hard at school
Did all the right things
Got a job
Got a car
Got a girl
Went and got the girl a ring

Go to your church
And sing your happy hymns
And you thank your little Jesus that you're just like
him

[Chorus]
I've met Jesus
I've met Jesus
I've met Jesus
And he's nothing like you
Nothing like you...

(Nothing like you)

I know you think you're right
But you've got it wrong
And your finding your way to a fight (???)
Oh but you love that psalm

You're a biggot
You're a fool with a fundamental flaw
Jesus doesn't love you just to keep it on the laws

[Chorus]

Fun is fornication
Everything's a sin
Oh if Jesus was a bouncer
He'd never let you in

You're a judge
You're a jury
You get drunk on your own fury
If I thrill you it will kill you
But you'll never get to heaven 'cos you'll die of shock
again

Ow!

[Chorus](x2)

(Nothing like you...)


5. TROJAN GUITAR

Hmmm humming
Do you hear the distant strumming
The humming and the strumming
Are coming from afar
Mmm do I hear drumming
Amidst the humming and strumming
They'll never see us coming
We're beneath the radar

Ooh they must be joking
I can see the tops of their heads poking out
The top of the Trojan Guitar

Well they marched on toward
The front lin, together they roared
"We'd rather die by your sword
Than live under your gun
But none of this matters to us any more"
And you may have won the battle
But you'll never win the war

Fly fly my beauties
To do your dirty duties
Just plant the seets of mutiny
Amongst themselves they'll spar
So a leeching we go
To massage the greatest ego
It ain't about money, no
But I betcha one or two of 'em are

We'll lull them into a false sense
Of security and then let battle commence
And take down the Trojan Guitar

Well they marches on toward
The front line, together they roared
"We'd rather die by your sword
Than live under your gun
But none of this matters to us any more"
And you may have won the battle
But you'll never win the war

Charge!

Here I lie dismembered
The mutineers surrendered
They'll always be remembered
As the cowards that they are
All along they pretended
The enemy they befriended
They sacrificed our splendid plans
To make a quick dollar
But just as all hope is dwindling
Broken it up into kindling
I shall build as another Trojan Guitar

La la la la
La la la la lalalala la la
La la la la
None of this matters to us any more
La la la la
La la la la lalalala la la
La la la la
We've long forgotten what we're fighting for

Well they marched on toward
The front line, together they roared
"We'd rather die by your sword
Than live under your gun
But none of this matters to us any more"
And you may have won the battle
But you'll never win the war


6. COCKTAILS

Up on the Fifth Floor
Harvey Nics
Down to Claridges
And Trader Vics
Mai Tai baby or a Singapore Sling
Get your cards behind the bar and get the cocktails in
Follow me to the Match Bar
For Whiskey Sour
Down to the Sanderson
For happy hour
Margaritas or the Pink Champagne
We've all gone to Blakes cos it's cocktail night again

A social evening with a touch of class sweet woman

Cock [cock]
Cock cock cock cocktails
Cock [cock]
Cock cock cock cocktails

Honey I've got the van
So let's go to Cannes
We could do Manhattens
At the Juan Lapin
Carlton Casino and the Nova Hilton Bar
Drive out to the Cap where the cocktails are

All your favourite drinks in the same glass, sweet woman

Cock [cock]
Cock cock cock cocktails
Cock [cock]
Cock cock cock cocktails

All your favourite drinks in the same glass, sweet woman
And if you want to go off-piste, well all you've to do is ask

Cock [cock]
Cock cock cock cocktails
Cock [cock]
Cock cock cock cocktails
[Would you like a little umbrella
Sorry sir, we don't do Stella]
Cock [cock]
Cock cock cock cocktails
Cock [cock]
Cock cock cock cocktails
Malibuu


7. GAY IN THE 80S

Oh in the 80s
They weren't the gayties
They were the straighties
On in teh 1980s

It's a new taboo
What am I gonna do
Is it a shock that I rock
And think the way I do
No one came out
Nobody was ever going to shout
Homosexuality
Is what I'm all about

Oh in the 80s
They weren't the gayties
They were the straighties
Oh in the 1980s

Gay in the 80s
It's like coming out in 1984
Being gay in teh 1980s
But more

Is it so wrong
For me to carry on
Can I still do what I do
And put it in a song
Is it OK
If I walk this way
Or will the little things I do
Give the game away

Oh in the 80s
They weren't the gayties
They were the straighties
Oh in the 1980s

Gay in the 80s
It's like coming out in 1984
Bein gay in the 1980s
But more

Gay in the 80s
It's like coming out in 1984
Being gay in the 1980s
But more
Gay in the 80s
It's the coming out in 1984
Being gay in the 1980s
But more
Get down...


8. PRIMA DONNA

I had to leave you
You didn't give me a choice
Surrounded yourself with Yes Men
To drown out the one dissenting voice

How can you call this a partnership
I deal with the iceberg
While you sunbathe on the tip
You don't want to play the game
In fact you never did
I did all the playing
While you ran away and hid

Prima Donna
I cannot function properly
Prima Donna
Unless the spotlight is on me

Out who my friends are
That's what I've found
And I can't believe you'd stoop so low
To obtain the moral high ground
Why pretend to be altruist
When one's of no further use to you
One ceases to exist
We're all making sacrifices so how come
You like to shroud yourself in fake
Flaming martyrdom

Prima Donna
I cannot function properly
Prima Donna
Unless the spotlight is on me
Allegedly

Prima Donna
I cannot function properly
Prima Donna
Unless the spotlight is on me
Prima Donna
May I remind you respectfully
Prima Donna
The whole wide world revolves around me


9. WHICHEVER WAY YOU WANNA GIVE IT

No matter how many guys
Are circling your skies
Waiting for permission to land
I have learned
From your tutorial
That I just can't be territorial
I ain't even allowed to hold your hand

We just don't do coincidence
It's uncanny how by chance we never meet
Cos the world just isn't small enough
For us to be anything other than discreet

Whichever way you wanna give it
I'll take it
Whichever way you want it made
I'll make it
And whatever else you do with my heart
Don't break it

No one else has spotted
I'm head over heels, besotted
I guess I must have hidden it well
When I look into your eyes
Lord, I get the butterflies
And there isn't a soul I can tell

I wake up next to you almost every day
But we can't be seen together in the street
How the hell can I pretend that you don't mean a thing
When without you I can only ever be incomplete

Whichever way you wanna give it
I'll take it
Whichever way you want it made
I'll make it
And whatever else you do with my heart
Don't break it

I wake up next to you almost every day
But we can't be seen together in the street
How the hell can I pretend that you don't mean a thing
When without you I can only ever be incomplete

Whichever way you wanna give it
I'll take it
I wake up next to you almost ever day
I'll make it
And whatever else you do with my heart
Don't break it


10. KISSING IN THE WIND

We've gotta try not to let this thing die
I love you so much but it's making me cry
Cos every ounce of loving I give
You use a stick to beat me with
Is it curtains, finito, dusted and done
Dead in the water, over before it's begun

Do I make you happy
Do you need me
Can you live without my sweet loving
Are we still in love
Do we want it enough
Or are we just kissing in the wind

I thought I knew you like the back of my hand
I love you so much but where do I stand
When Cupid's aim is true and his bow finely tuned
He never fails to leave you with an exit wound
So even when his arrow scores a direct hit
You go from head over heels to arse over tit

Do I make you happy
Do you need me
Can you live without my sweet loving
Are we still in love
Do we want it enough
Or are we just kissing in the wind

Do I make you happy
Do you need me
Can you live without my sweet loving
Are we still in love
Do we want it enough
Or are we just kissing in the wind