1. STATE OF THINGS

While some sore heads will rue last night's endeavours
Make Sunday's vow that they won't get so leathered
Dad's shout at lads so they foul number seven
There's no need for fighting; they're only eleven
Mmm, a little introduction to the state of things

What of the woman, who stands by her fella,
Despite the bruises brought on by the Stella
To cook and to clothe and to clean and to screw
Ain't the sum total of all she can do

What of the woman who waits with the feeling
Of black holes and lost nights and strange looking ceilings
Haze around half nine, remember she thinks
Bloke in a red shirt with drops in the drink

Mmm, teaching and telling ‘bout the state of things
Mmm, never taught you at school about the state of things

Look down, just look down; you're too scared to turn ‘round
Says he's gonna get you with all of his mates
Heartbeat, your heart beats; he says that you're dead meat
The bully waits for you outside the school gates

Making you aware of the state of things
A little introduction to the state of things
I'm making to sing about the state of things
They never taught you at school about the state of things

And what of the woman who's there in the station
Whose White Lightning refuge is inebriation
Some wench on park bench contrasts with your cash
She's not gonna kill ya, or give you a rash

Making you aware of the state of things
A little introduction to the state of things
I'm making to sing about the state of things
They never taught you at school about the state of things
I'm telling you straight about the state of things
1-9-8-4 state of things
Cuts me wide open, the state of things
I am the reverend, I'll tell you ‘bout the state of things


2. MACHINE

TJ don't want no less
Can't think, can't talk, must process
No practice, no sample
Must earn, must learn, must trample

And don't forget you can get off the conveyor
And don't forget you can get off the conveyor
And when you want you can get off the conveyor
And when you want you can get out...

And don't forget you can get off the conveyor
And don't forget you can get off the conveyor
And when you want you can get off the conveyor
And when you want you can get out of the machine

TJ don't want no less
Can't think, can't talk, must process
No choice, no prospectus
More money you must respect us

And don't forget you can get off the conveyor
And don't forget you can get off the conveyor
And when you want you can get off the conveyor
And when you want you can get out...

And don't forget you can get off the conveyor
And don't forget you can get off the conveyor
And when you want you can get off the conveyor
And when you want you can get out of the machine

Get born, get stupid
Get born, get stupid
Get born, get stupid
Get born, get stupid
Get born, get stupid
Get born, get stupid
Get born, get stupid
Get born, get stupid

Don't forget you can get off the conveyor
Don't forget you can get off the conveyor
When you want you can get off the conveyor
When you want you can get out...

Don't forget you can get off the conveyor
Don't forget you can get off the conveyor
When you want you can get off the conveyor
When you want you can get out...

Don't forget you can get off the conveyor
Don't forget you can get off the conveyor
When you want you can get off the conveyor


3. HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION OF THE WORLD

And now...

That shes older
In the embers of romance
Pay two mortgages and leccy bills
Been comfortable and that
Nobody told her
That she'd ever reach the stage
Where her husband bores or her
Or she lies about her age

He's compromising
At least he's got a job for life
Get born, get school, get job, get car
Pay tax and find a wife
And on that note
The end can't come too soon
If you're not living on the edge
You take up too much room

I could've been a contender
Could've been a someone
Caught up in the rat race
And feeling like a no-one
Appearing in the papers
With the money and the girls
I could've been The Heavyweight Champion of the World

At school he used to dream about
Being Bruce Lee
But the need for chops in the Manor top
Aint all that great you see
And so he gave up
On his black belt and first Dan
As near as he got to China
Was a week in Camber sands

I could've been a contender
Could've been a someone
Caught up in the rat race
And feeling like a no-one
Appearing in the papers
With the money and the girls
I could've been The Heavyweight Champion of the World

It might be boring so boring
It might put you to sleep
The same old routine repeats week after week
And you work harder, work harder
Cos you're told that you must
And you must earn a living
And you must earn a crust

...like everybody else
Just be like everybody else
Just be like everybody else
Be like everybody else
Be like everybody else
Just be like everybody else
Just be like everybody else
Just be like everybody else

I could've been a contender
Could've been a someone
Caught up in the rat race
And feeling like a no-one
Appearing in the papers
With the money and the girls
I could've been The Heavyweight Champion of the World
I could've been a contender
Could've been a someone
Caught up in the rat race
And feeling like a no-one
Appearing in the papers
With the money and the girls
I could've been The Heavyweight Champion of the World

Be like everybody else
Just be like everybody else
Just be like everybody else
Just be like everybody else
Just be like everybody else
Just be like everybody else
Just be like everybody else
Just be like everybody else
Just be like everybody else
Just be like everybody else
Just be like everybody else
Just be like everybody else
Just be like everybody else
Just be like everybody else
Just be like everybody else
Just be like everybody else
Just be like everybody else
Just be like everybody else
Just be like everybody else
Just be like everybody else
Just be like everybody else
Just be like everybody else
Just be like everybody else
Just be like everybody else
Just be like everybody else


4. BANDITS

Ready, Steady Go

Spin for feature or I hold for fruit
I need two more nudges and I'll drop the loot
Sure I'll jack it almost anytime
When I hear a voice from behind

No, no mate you wanna' hold the pears
Cos I've been watching you from over by the stairs
Turbocash is cool you wanna' let ‘em spin
But if the hoppers full you're guaranteed a win

No, no mate why don't you understand
I've got a scheme a plan I've got it all in hand
I need a no-lose or an extra life
And me mobile's ringing. It's me wife

Where are you Jon what time will you be home
I've been trying to call just get your answerphone
I've told you once, I've told you times before
Can't get to sleep unti lyou're through th door
Are you listening to anything I say?
We need the money, we got bills to pay
Don't get drunk and make sure you're not late
And don't be gambling please for goodness sake

Back inside a frown adorns ma face
Because I see this bloke's stepped in and took me place
What takes the biscuit, really tops it off
Is when the jackpot lights up, he's took the lot

Haha lad you see what I just did?
I just dropped the bandit, only spent a quid
Oh were you playing mate?
I didn't realise-ise-ise…

I'm so skint and demoralised

There's always tomorrow mate


5. OPEN YOUR WINDOW

She goes away today
And he gives her a photo to help her remember
History of Art BA
It's alright cos she's back in late November

But he knows not of who she's been mixing
By Christmas she's lying no calling she tricks him

So he goes up to stay
And he don't like her friends, and he hadn't heard of Nietzche
She's seems so far away
The distance is further each time he meets her

'Who's the bloke on the wall next to Ringo and Paul?
'It's Che' she says 'Have ya seen him before?'

Open your window
Won't you let her out
Wave goodbye to the butterfly
The one you can't be without

Open Your Window
Won't you set her free
Where you are is where she's at
and the place she's meant to be

He thinks they've grown apart
Now she uses big words like surreal and genre
And I know it breaks his heart
There's thousands of fellas just like it before ya

'Who's the bloke on the wall next to Ringo and Paul?
Is he some kind of expert on guerilla war?'

Open your window
Won't you let her out
Wave goodbye to the butterfly
The one you can't be without

Open Your Window
Won't you set her free
Where you are is where she's at
and the place she's meant to be

Open your window
Won't you let her out
Wave goodbye to the butterfly
The one you can't be without

We'll be together in the springtime
We'll be together in the springtime

We'll be together in the springtime (you and I)
Yes we'll be together in the springtime (x2)


6. SEX WITH THE EX

Like in the hall of mirrors, you look different today
He saw you coming out of Etam and it struck him how you'd changed
Was it that you looked slimmer? or had you dyed your hair?
As you were feigning your indifference, making out like you didn't care

He never contemplated bumping in to you
How's your mother now? what you been up to?
Just to see you sets him off
A chance encounter with someone he loved so dearly

Although it left him bitter, he still fancies you
Although he's been around a bit since, nobody does it like you do
He tells you you look fitter than when he saw you last
There's still a something there between you, despite the months that's passed

He never contemplated bumping in to you
How's your mother now and what you been up to?
Just to see you sets him off
A chance encounter with someone he loved so dearly

And you didn't take no cajoling, and then you were rolling around on his living room floor
Once he'd been in your knickers, the lies and the bickers didn't matter so much anymore

And I've often heard it being said that you can't be friends once you've been to bed
Just to see you sets me off
A chance encounter with someone I loved so dearly

A free ride on a guilt trip (x8)


7. 18-30

Je, je suis anglais,
Stay in bed past midday,
But in the night time I play,
Smash up your hotel it's okay.

Wanna get away, on my holiday.
La a la la la
Wanna get away, for a holiday.

Dos bier mate, por favor
Won't see the sun 'til I've got four
Put on my best shirt, I'm gonna score
Six San Miguels and we'll hit the floor.

Wanna get away, on my holiday.
La la la la
I wanna get away, on my holiday.

Rotate the lounger as the sun goes round,
Screaming royal brittania while the shit goes down
I wanna get away, I wanna get away from you.

Je je je je suis anglais
I know you think that we're all the same
And causing trouble is our forte
Portugal, France, Greece or Spain

Gonna get away, on a holiday.
La a la a la la
Wanna get away, on a holiday.

You rotate the lounger as the sun goes round
Screaming royal brittania while the shit goes down
I wanna get away, I wanna get away from you.


8. HE SAID HE LOVED ME

He said he loved me
He said he needs me
He said to Keeley he thinks I'm special
He didn't love me
He didn't need me
Got off with Keeley, she thinks shes special

She used to go out
She used to get dressed up
An all the while
Shes getting more messed up
And she looks out
Through the window pane
As all her friends
Are going out again

She used to smile
She used to go to bars
Now its just rattles
And baby food in jars
Know how shes feeling
Because there ain't no texts
I know shes reeling
They're at the multiplex

Mams and prams
Twelve week scans
Wish you weren't a story of the also-rans

He said he loved me
He said he needs me
He said to Keeley he thinks I'm special
He didn't love me
He didn't need me
Got off with Keeley, she thinks shes special

The family helps her
She takes him to his Nans
Gives her some time off
Go to the caravan
And shes a mother
Although it breaks her heart
Her friends don't know her
They've grown so far apart

Mams and prams
An twelve week scans
Wish you weren't a story of the also-rans

He said he loved me
He said he needs me
He said to Keeley he thinks I'm special
He didn't love me
He didn't need me
Got off with Keeley, she thinks shes special

He said he loved me
He said he needs me
He said to Keeley he thinks I'm special
He didn't love me
He didn't need me
Got off with Keeley, she thinks shes special

He said he loved me

He said he needs me

He didn't love me

He didn't need me


9. WHAT THE MILKMAN SAW

I've heard he's into leather and what they both do when they're together
Curtains twitch in suburbia tonight
I've heard that they're not real brothers, cos' their mam went with another
Taproom gossip in suburbia tonight

And the mother's meet and does the rounds
Hasn't Sheila Jackson piled on the pounds?
It wouldn't spread much quicker if you put it on the internet

What's going on at number 34? Kev says there's bodies buried underneath the floor
But this isn't murder its just Grenoside
Can you believe that Keeley's with him again? A clever lass but she's daft when it comes to men
Walls have ears and there's nowhere to hide

In the corner shop all the rumours start
With the dirty looks and the sly remarks
It wouldn't spread much quicker if you put it on the internet

Have you heard that Sue's expecting, Mark says cos' Donna texted him
Chinese whispers and spies on mothercare
Apparently he's off the wagon, he's been seen in the George and Dragon
Put your eyes back in don't ya know it's rude to stare

And all the decent people sleep in decent beds
In preparation for another day of decentness
If that's so decent then ill be something else

She's had a black one. She's had a white one. She's had a brown one
And Johnny reckons that he saw her in the chemist buying something for the weekend
I'm telling ya its true cos' my cousin is her best friend

She's had a black one. She's had a white one. She's had a brown one
And Johnny reckons that he saw her in the chemist buying oral contraception
It can't be for her hubby cos' he can't get an erection


10. SUNDOWN ON THE EMPIRE

It's like when Britney left the Disney Club
Cos she's a lioness and not a cub
At the end of an era, her future's no clearer
When the taxi comes to pick her up
It's like Angie leaving the Queen Vic
Trepidation, feeling a bit sick
We're at the end of an era
As Walter and Vera are coming up to wave her off

Its like when Ginger left the other four
There's a row when Brad an Jen got divorced
It wont be the same now
There's nothing to gain now
From staying round here no more

It's like the pub around closing time
Muhammad Ali in the Berbick fight
There int no pretending, she knows that its ending
She's made her mind and booked the flight

This bird has flown, how it seems she's outgrown all she knows
It's the Sundown on the Empire
This bird has flown, how it seems she's outgrown all she knows
This bird, has flown

Like co-pilots on your final flight
As you were Morecambe, but she was wise
She got a ticket, as she couldn't stick it
She'll be in Faliraki by midnight

It's like when Britney left the Disney club
Cos she's a lioness and not a cub
At the end of an era, the future's no clearer
When the taxi comes to pick her up

This bird has flown, how it seems she's outgrown all she knows
It's the Sundown on the Empire
This bird has flown, how it seems she's outgrown all she knows
This bird, has flown


11. MISS BROWN

Oh Miss Brown, ya ruby lipsticks gonna paint the town
You swear you're happy,your eyes let you down
Go on have another one, regret it when tomorrow comes

Oh when you act the fool, I know you want a fella who dunt treat you cruel
One to show the other mothers at the school
That you're not what they say, you're not someone who will do anything

Oh for love of Miss Brown
Oh for love of Miss Brown
Oh for love of Miss Brown
I do it all for the love of Miss Brown

I need to sleep tonight
But I'm not one for overstaying my invite
I won't be creeping out the backdoor when it's nearly light
It's alright when you're bladdered regret it tomorrow comes

Always a man to blame
I bet you'll start a fire counting your old flames
You say you've never met a good'n cos we're all the same
Well some of us are different some of us will do anything

Oh for love of Miss Brown
Oh for love of Miss Brown
Oh for love of Miss Brown
I do it all for the love of Miss Brown

I bet that your son's got more uncles than most
Who's this strange man eating frosties and toast
I bet that your son's got more uncles than most
Introductions at breakfast, frosties and toast

Oh for love of Miss Brown
Oh for love of Miss Brown
Oh for love of Miss Brown
I do it all for the love of Miss Brown


12. ARMCHAIR DETECTIVE

Armchair detective, what's your synopsis?
Hoping you'll tell us how we can stop this
Nobody wants to look stupid today more so than usual
To say something clever is of such importance, to say something clever is crucial

Armchair detective, what (are) you surmising?
A fountain of knowledge in times of crisis
Opinions like arseholes on days like today; everyone's got one
You'd best say it quick while it's fresh in your mind, say it before it's forgotten

Just cos you shout loudest don't mean that you're right
Cos you shout loudest don't mean that you're right
Cos you shout loudest don't mean that you're right
Cos you shout loudest don't mean that you're right

Ignorance is bliss, folly to be wise
What's the best course of action? Waiting for advice.
Kneejerk reactions are invoked today more so than usual
To say something clever is of such importance, to say something clever is crucial

(Say what you think however far from the truth it might be)
Just cos you shout loudest don't mean that you're right
Cos you shout loudest don't mean that you're right
Cos you shout loudest don't mean that you're right
Cos you shout loudest don't mean that you're right
(Say what you think but don't believe in a half of what you read)
Just cos you shout loudest don't mean that you're right
Cos you shout loudest don't mean that you're right
Cos you shout loudest don't mean that you're right
Cos you shout loudest don't mean that you're right

Say what you think however far from the truth it might be
Say what you think but don't believe in a half of what you read

Say what you think

Armchair detective, what's your synopsis?
Hoping you'll tell us how we can stop this
(Say what you think however far from the truth it might be)
Armchair detective, what (are) you surmising?
A fountain of knowledge in times of crisis

Nobody wants to look stupid today more so than usual
To say something clever is of such importance, to say something clever is crucial