1. ANGST IN MY PANTS


I hope it doesn't show
It'll go 'way
It's just a passing phase
It'll go 'way

You can dress nautical
Learn to tie knots
Take lots of Dramamine
Out on your yacht
But when you're all alone
And nothing bites
You'll wish you stayed at home
With someone nice
But when you think you made it disappear
It comes again, "Hello, I'm here" and

I've got angst in my pants

You can be smart as hell
Know how to add
Know how to figure things
On yellow pads
Answer so no one knows
What you just said
But when you're all alone
You and your head
What's the computer say, it's mumbling now
It says "hey Joe"
It's spelled it out and

"You've got angst in your pants"
"You've got angst in your pants"

But when you think you've made it disappear
You're sure you made it disappear
And you've still got angst in your pants

I hope it doesn't show
It'll go 'way
It's just a passing phase
It'll go 'way
I hope it doesn't show
It'll go 'way
Give it a hundred years
It won't go 'way

And I've got angst in my pants
I've got angst in my pants


2. I PREDICT


You're gonna take a walk in the rain
And you're gonna get wet
(I predict)

You're gonna eat a bowl of chow mein
And be hungry real soon
(I predict)
Are my sources correct
(I predict)

They're gonna find the Queen is a man
But that Philip don't care
(I predict)
Lassie will prove that Elvis and her
Had a fleeting affair
(I predict)
Are my sources correct
Are my sources correct
Yes I know they're corect
(I predict)

Men, if you say your prayers
You'll never lose your hair

L.A. is safe
Ain't gonna quake
Ain't gonna quake
(I predict)

And somebody's gonna die
But I can't reveal who
Cold beer will cure a cold
Cold beer and pretzels, takes care of cancer
Moscow will march to France
They'll do the Can-Can Dance
Don't worry, it'll work out
Maxim's will throw them out

They're gonna stop Saturday night
So you better have fun now
(I predict)
They're gonna stop having the sun
So you better get tan now

And this song will fade out
And this song will fade out
And this song will fade out
(I predict)


3. SEXTOWN U.S.A.


Drop the goody-goody look and put on your shoes
Because I'm gonna recommend a little somethin' for you
(Oh yeah)

Grab your little Lulu or your Sally or Sue
And take her out to that Metropolis without no taboos
(Oh yeah)

What you say
Who are you
Never mind
Just sing the tune

Chorus:

Sextown U.S.A., we can go anywhere and it becomes
Sextown U.S.A., we can go here or there, it all becomes
The perfect place, and what a pace

Man, I've heard of Peyton Place and Pigalle too
But this is better than the others, it's American too
(Oh yeah)
No one has the time to eat a meal or to think
Because they're way too busy doin' Kama Sutra-y things
(Oh yeah)

Look around
See the sights
Go to bed
What a life

Chorus

There's a whole lotta fish in the sea

Chorus

If you try to come here and you try to abstain
They'll send you to the prison for the criminally insane
(Oh yeah)

Maybe I'll just stay here for the rest of my life
Because it's better than commuting here with you every night
(Oh yeah)

Chorus


4. SHERLOCK HOLMES


Fog matters to you and me, but it can't touch Sherlock Holmes
Dogs bark and he knows their breed
And knows where they went last night
Knows their masters too
Oh baby, hold me tight


Just pretend I'm Sherlock Holmes
Just pretend I'm Sherlock Holmes
Just pretend I'm Sherlock Holmes

Stay, don't give me that same old act
I can call in Sherlock Holmes
He'll want your biography, and pictures of you in lace
And satin looking great
Oh baby, hold me tight

Spend the night with Sherlock Holmes
Hold me tight like Sherlock Holmes
Just pretend I'm Sherlock Holmes

Do you want to have fun
Do you want a good time
Do you want me to laugh
Do you want me to cry
Do you want me to dance
Do you want me to sing
Do you want me to joke
Should I be more like him
Oh yeah

I can dance like Sherlock Holmes
I can sing like Sherlock Holmes
But can't be Sherlock Holmes
Oh yeah

I can dance like Sherlock Holmes
I can sing like Sherlock Holmes
But can't be Sherlock Holmes


5. NICOTINA


Not every cigarette is a dead, dead thing
Some have a mind and try to be other things
Pushed in the pack, they crave some Virginia air
Softly, they pray to someone, but life ain't fair

They're born to lose
They're born to fill
The lungs of Jack
The lungs of Jill
And like I said
Life just isn't fair

Nicotina, Nicotina, Nicotina is her name

Once in a while a cigarette has a name
N-I-C-O-T-I-N-A, that's her name
She had a tiny voice, and she sang all day
She was a cigarette, but she loved to play

Nicotina, Nicotina, Nicotina is her name

A man with a cough
Stepped to the machine
Dropped coins in the slot
The end of a dream

He ripped the pack and coughed, and then coughed again
Popped out a cigarette, and we're near the end
She screamed and screamed but so much was filtered out
Now Nicotina's only a tiny cloud

Nicotina's gone, but life goes on though
Nicotina's gone, but life goes on though
Nicotina's gone, but life goes on and on and on and on and on
Nicotina, Nicotina, Nicotina was her name


6. MICKEY MOUSE


Can you raise both your hands and clap 'em
Can you say, "sure, I'll always try"
Can you make friends among people and animals
Basically, everything is easy
Give it a try, you'll see I'm right
Cause if a mouse can be special, well so can you

Chorus:

And my name is Mickey Mouse
To my right is Minnie Mouse
And we own a little place in Disneyland, California

Let's have a party and be happy
Can we invite our closest friends
We can ask Donald Duck, Pluto, and all the gang

Chorus

Well, you should try to smile, dear
Get yourself a pet deer
dog
cat
bird
pig
lamb
horse
cow
fox
wolf
snake
ox
fish
goldfish
mouse

Chorus

Did you raise both your hands and clap 'em
Did you say, "sure, I'll always try"
Cause you look hesitant, wary, or am I wrong
You can go off and be a loner
Maybe you can't believe a mouse
But when you feel the need, come back
I'm here...for...you...and you

Chorus


7. MOUSTACHE

A lady gets a lotta things
She gets a 20 carat ring
She gets the alimony too
She gets to look good in the nude
But there's one place where they've been whipped
Between the nose and upper lip

Chorus

M-M-M-M-M-M Moustache
M-M-M-M-M-M Moustache
M-M-M-M-M-M Moustache
One hundred hairs make a man

I tried a handlebar design
My Fu Manchu was real fine
My Ronald Colman made 'em blink
My Pancho Villa made 'em think
But when I trimmed 'em real small
My Jewish friends would never call

Chorus

They call me sir, and that ain't bad
Sometimes they think that I'm my Dad
And women flirt and you can bet
They like that tickle that they get
The only time I feel bad
Is when the guess the lunch I've had

Chorus


8. INSTANT WEIGHT LOSS


Don't play that riff
Don't play that riff
Don't play that riff
That takes me back
Instant weight loss

There was a girl ÿ
She called me Fats
But in one night
Instant weight loss

One night, one steamy night
I'd lose a kilo each hour
In ten nights, ten steamy nights
And figure a kilo each hour
Instant weight loss

Then came this guy
Some foreign name
Had chubby hands
Wore lots of chains
Instant weight loss

That's it
What's done is done
Erase the past if you can
With ice cream, with coconut pie
In less than a week I'd undone
Instant weight loss

Don't play that riff
She sang that riff
All through the night
It's coming back

I've gained an ounce
I've gained a pound
Another pound
I've gained a ton

So last July
This girl pulls up
Blonde hair, so what
She says "hey Fats"
Instant weight loss


9. TARZAN AND JANE


There's a riot in Room 42
It was chemistry, now it's a zoo
And they kicked out the teacher, Miss Prune
Tuned the heat up to one hundred two

Tarzan and Jane
Tarzan and Jane

Now they're ripping their shirts and their tights
Now they're swinging from fluorescent lights
Look at Bob, he was getting straight A's
Who's he carrying 'round on his face

Tarzan and Jane
Tarzan and Jane

Now they've called in the men wearing blue
There's a cameraman from Channel 2
On the news at eleven does Edgar Rice Burroughs
Get royalties on local news

Tarzan and Jane
Tarzan and Jane

Well, tomorrow at 7:04
As the principal says "shut the door"
They'll be 25 Tarzan and 25 Janes
And a chimp from Zoology 4

Tarzan and Jane
Tarzan and Jane


10. THE DECLINE AND FALL OF ME


Now I stutter, now I dribble
Other than that, I'm lots like I was then
The decline and fall of me

I just shaved my nose off, oh well
Other than that, I'm lots like I was then
The decline and fall of me

If I had a hammer I would drop it and break it
Look at the pieces
Now I've got a hobby, I collect frozen pizzas
Check out my pizzas

Now your jokes seem really funny
Other than that, I'm lots like I was then
The decline and fall of me

Where's my mouth, man, this eating is rough on the shirts
Gee, I'm sorry about the thermometer, nurse
Would you tell me again, which are girls, which are guys
Gee, I thought that this finger meant so long, goodbye

Chart position, bubbling under, drowning
And goodbye future Mrs. Mael, Mael
The decline and fall, decline and fall, decline and fall of me

I'm fading away
I'm fading away
I'm fading away

11. EATEN BY THE MONSTER OF LOVE

(Ron & Russell Mael)

(Don't let it get me, don't let it get me, etc.)

Well, it's Saturday night and I'm still free
And I ain't never gonna be
Eaten by the monster of love

It's hard to fight it off much more
I hear it drooling by the door
Eaten by the monster of love

It ain't a pretty sight to see the way it leaves 'em
It chews them up and spits out creatures with those
Goo-goo-ey eyes
Sick sickly smiles
It just isn't right

And my father said "don't worry, son"
But look at him, he should have run
Eaten by the monster of love

Well, it's worse than war, it's worse than death
There ain't too many left who ain't been
Eaten by the monster of love

Buy a dog and that might help
Sometimes, though, a dog gets grabbed and
Eaten by the monster of love

Eaten by the monster of love
Let it huff, let it puff
Eaten by the monster of love
I hate to gripe, but I just ain't the type

(Don't let it get me, don't let it get me, etc.)

I know some really good, good people
Overcome, and piece by piece they were
Eaten by the monster of love

Sometimes it takes a nip at me
But I'm too quick to ever be
Eaten by the monster of love