1. THE HEADMASTER RITUAL

Belligerent ghouls
Run Manchester schools
Spineless swines
Cemented minds
Sir leads the troops
Jealous of youth
Same old suit since 1962
He does the military two-step
Down the nape of my neck
I wanna go home
I don't want to stay
Give up education
As a bad mistake
Mid-week on the playing fields
Sir thwacks you on the knees
Knees you in the groin
Elbow in the face
Bruises bigger than dinner plates
I wanna go home
I don't want to stay
Belligerent ghouls
Run Manchester schools
spineless bastards all
Sir leads the troops
Jealous of youth
Same old jokes since 1902
He does the military two-step
Down the nape of my neck
I wanna go home
I don't want to stay
Give up life
As a bad mistake
Please excuse me from the gym
I've got this terrible cold coming on
He grabs and devours
Kicks me in the showers
And he grabs and devours
I wanna go home
I don't want to stay


2. RUSHOLME RUFFIANS

The last night of the fair
By the big wheel generator
A boy is stabbed
And his money is grabbed
And the air hangs heavy like a dulling wine
she is Famous
She is Funny
An engagement ring
Doesn't mean a thing
To a mind consumed by brass money
And though I walk home alone
My faith in love is still devout
The last night of the fair
From a seat on a whirling waltzer
Her skirt ascends for a watching eye
It's a hideous trait on her mother's side
And though I walk home alone
My faith in love is still devout
Then someone falls in love
And someone's beaten up
Someone's beaten up
And the senses being dulled are mine
And though I walk home alone
My faith in love is still devout
This is the last night of the fair
And the grease in the hair
Of a speedway operator
Is all a tremulous heart requires
A schoolgirl is denied
She said: "How quickly would I die
If I jumped from the top of the parachutes?"
This is the last night of the fair
And the grease in the hair
Of a speedway operator
Is all a tremulous heart requires
A schoolgirl is denied
She said: "How quickly would I die
If I jumped from the top of the parachutes?"
Scratch my name on your arm with a fountain pen
This means you really love me
And though I walk home alone
My faith in love is still devout


3. I WANT THE ONE I CAN’T HAVE

On the day that your mentality
Catches up with your biology
I want the one I can't have
And it's driving me mad
It's written all over my face
A double-bed
And a stalwart lover, for sure
These are the riches of the poor
A double-bed
And a stalwart lover, for sure
These are the riches of the poor
A tough kid who sometimes swallows nails
Raised on Prisoner's Aid
He killed a policeman when he was thirteen
And someone that really impressed me
It's written all over my face
On the day that your mentality
Catches up with your biology
And if you ever need self-validation
Just meet me in the alley by the
Railway-station
It's written all over my face


5. WHAT SHE SAID

What she said:
"How come someone hasn't noticed
That I'm dead
And decided to bury me
God knows, I'm ready"
What she said was sad
But then, all the rejections she's had
To pretend to be happy
Could only be idiocy
What she said was not for the job or
Lover that she never had
What she read
All heady books
She'd sit and prophesise
(It took a tattooed boy from
Birkenhead
To really really open her eyes)
What she said:
"I smoke 'cos I'm hoping for an
Early death
And I need to cling to something
What she said:
"I smoke 'cos I'm hoping for an early death
And I need to cling to something


6. THAT JOKE ISN ‘T FUNNY ANYMORE

Park the car at the side of the road
You should know
Time's tide will smother you
And I will too
When you laugh about people who feel so very lonely
Their only desire is to die
Well I'm afraid
It doesn't make me smile
I wish I could laugh
But that joke isn't funny anymore
It's too close to home
And it's too near the bone
It's too close to home
And it's too near the bone
More than you'll ever know
It was dark as I drove the point home
And on cold leather seats
Well, it suddenly struck me
I just might die with a smile on my
Face after all
I've seen this happen in other people's lives
And now it's happening in mine


7. HOW SOON IS NOW?

I am the son
And the heir
Of a shyness that is criminally vulgar
I am the son and heir
Of nothing in particular
You shut your mouth
How can you say
I go about things the wrong way
I am human and I need to be loved
Just like everybody else does
I am the son
And the heir
Of a shyness that is criminally vulgar
I am the son and the heir
Of nothing in particular
You shut your mouth
How can you say
I go about things the wrong way
I am human and I need to be loved
Just like everybody else does
There's a club if you'd like to go
You could meet somebody who really loves you
So you go, and you stand on your own
And you leave on your own
And you go home, and you cry
And you want to die
When you say it's gonna happen now
Well, when exactly do you mean?
See I've already waited too long
And all my hope is gone
You shut your mouth
How can you say
I go about things the wrong way
I am human and I need to be loved
Just like everybody else does


8. NOWHERE FAST

I'd like to drop my trousers to the world
I am a man of means of slender means
Each household appliance
Is like a new science in my town
And if the day came when I felt a
Natural emotion
I'd get such a shock I'd probably jump in the ocean
And when a train goes by it's such a sad sound
I'd like to drop my trousers to the Queen
Every sensible child will know what this means
The poor and the needy are selfish and greedy on her terms
And if the day came when I felt a natural emotion
I'd get such a shock I'd probably jump in the ocean
And when a train goes by it's such a sad sound
And when I'm lying in my bed
I think about life and I think about death
And neither one particularly appeals to me
And if the day came when I felt a natural emotion
I'd get such a shock I'd probably lie
In the middle of the street and die
I'd lie down and die


9. WELL I WONDER

Well I wonder
Do you hear me when you sleep
I hoarsely cry
Well I wonder
Do you see me when we pass
I half-die
Please keep me in mind
Please keep me in mind
Gasping - but somehow still alive
This is the fierce last stand of all I am
Gasping - dying - but somehow still alive
This is the final stand of all I am
Please keep me in mind


10. BARBARISM BEGINS AT HOME

Unruly boys
Who will not grow up
must be taken in hand
Unruly girls
Who will not settle down
They must be taken in hand
A crack on the head
Is what you get for not asking
And a crack on the head
Is what you get for asking


11. MEAT IS MURDER

Heifer whines could be human cries
Closer comes the screaming knife
This beautiful creature must die
This beautiful creature must die
A death for no reason
And death for no reason is murder
And the flesh you so fancifully fry
Is not succulent, tasty or nice
It is death for no reason
And death for no reason is murder
And the calf that you carve with a smile is murder
And the turkey you festively slice is murder
Do you know how animals die
Kitchen aromas aren't very homely
It's not "comforting", "cheery" or "kind"
It's sizzling blood and the unholy stench of murder
It's not "natural", "normal" or kind
The flesh you so fancifully fry
The meat in your mouth
As you savour the flavor of murder
No, no, no it’s murder
No, no, no it’s murder
Who hears when animals cry