1. KEYSTONE STATE DUDE-CORE

We know the way that shit gets sometimes
With bank accounts empty and gas prices too high
We're pushing the van up snowy inclines
And dancing with cops on the Virginia road side
We're banned for life from Ft. Eustis
It doesn't make a difference
The sound guy here's got shit against us
We came here to do this

[Chorus]
We're six dudes from the keystone state
We're broke as fuck, but we can't complain
We haven't showered in at least four days
This shit's a bust but we'll get stoked on it


In Small-Town PA, we're busting meth labs
And drive-by assaulting people in Spanish
?Donde esta la cave?
We're passing out on the couch in Long Island
(Crashed the van four times in England, made fun of kids with stupid accents)
Through shitty flights and homeless nights
(Partied on the streets of London.)
We stay tight, cause we're just (we're just)
We're just (we're just)

[Chorus]

We'll get stoked on it!


2. BOUT TO GET FRUIT PUNCHED, HOMIE

I was peddling sugary drinks to all the little kids for weeks
Spending late nights at the factory
Making fat stacks for my family
But now my wife's been getting shady
That trick-ass mark don't call me baby
I'll sit by the window sill and if she's got another man
Then juice will spill

[Chorus]
Thought I had people I could trust like my boy, Captain Crunch
I know he'd never do me like that, but behind my back
I found her mouth all cut up, and his hat in the corner
Yo, homes you don't know what I'm capable of

Before Kool-Aid picked me up
I ran blocks, I sold rocks
G's up, hoes down and I'd have all these snitches stomped
Then I grew up
And got a real job peddling drinks to all these little snobs
And if you think that I fell off
Then watch your back before you get popped

I'll disconnect the Captain's neck
And make him wish that he was dead
I'll disconnect the Captain's neck
And make him wish that he was dead
I'll smash your skull like a crunch-berry punk

[Chorus]

So keep my name out your mouth, son


3. BUZZ ALDRIN: THE POSTER BOY FOR SECOND PLACE

[Chorus]
Wouldn't it be cool if we were astronauts
Zero gravity, two-one-blast off?
Take my hand it's time to leave this place
Wouldn't if be cool if it were both of us
Circumnavigate, map the stars out
See the world from here in outer space?

We're not trying to get away
Just wanna see if the sun stays
When we go to sleep
And I'll hold your hand past Mars
If Orion looks at you wrong
I just may need to beat those pussy-ass stars

[Chorus]

[Verse] (x2)
5-4-3-2-1 let's take off
5-4-3-2-1
5-4-3-2-1 let's take off
We're clear to go

[Bridge] (x4)
And everyday, we'll eat toothpaste
And pretend we like the taste

We can't look back!

[Chorus]

Wouldn't it be cool if we were astronauts?
Wouldn't it be cool if we were cosmonauts?
Wouldn't it be cool if we were astronauts?


4. LET'S MOSHERCISE!!!

Woo!

So, let's spin kick our ways to better bodies
Stage dive our way to awesome abs
And we'll windmill our way to buffer biceps
And mosh the fat out of our ass

So we say lets lose that extra weight
And today, we'll mosh the pounds away
Get up and dance!

If you feel like a bitch while you're doing pilates
A low-carb diet doesn't work
If riding your bike's been getting you nowhere
Eating salad makes it worse

Then we say, yo, let's turn up the bass
And today we'll mosh the pounds away
Get up and dance!

Every Friday night, we're losing the weight
And in this tiny hall we mosh the pounds away
If you listen up, you can hear us say...
Get up and dance!

Then we say, put down that slice of cake
And today we'll mosh the pounds away
Get up and dance!


5. "WHAT IF WE [SWAM] INTO NOTHING?"

We fell asleep last night watching TV
And the images worked their way into my dreams
We were watching turtles climbing the beach
The way she's looking at him is how you're looking at me

So if you miss me, or you get lonely
Then you can swim back (Just swim back)

[Chorus]
You'll swim back to me
And I'll be watching the sea
For when you dance over the breakers
And waltz up the beach
Swim back to me
Cause you've been gone since spring
You know that we can't breathe
Alone in the Gulf Stream

It's you with those sleepy eyes and heart-shaped shell
That keep me awake at night
So, meet me in the shallows off of Cozumel
We'll live our lives covered by moonlight

Maybe we were brought together by the ebb tide
It pulled the world beneath me and left you by my side

[Chorus]

What if we swam into nothing?
At least you'd still be beside me
So if we swam into nothing?
I'd still be smiling

[Chorus]

What if we swam into nothing?


6. RACING TRAINS

[Chorus]
There's always someone on the train with me
That wants to talk about everything when I just want to fall asleep
The train is late for the third time this week
And everyday it's raining around 9:15

I've worn these rails thin and ran for the train again
It's always late to the station
Rush hour came and went
Three to a seat and we're filled up with awkward conversation

And this guy on the R-5 line
Tells me about his life
I'm sorry man but I got shit to write
He says he split a Quaalude with Sid Vicious
That's cool but I don't know what it is
Cool but I don't know what it is

[Chorus]


7. ZOMBIES ARE THE NEW BLACK

[Chorus]
You think you're safe!
But we know what there is to be afraid of
So keep watching your back with a bat in your hands
Because they want you to be dead like them

They'll break down your door and walk in your house
They'll take your family hostage
Then they'll hold you down and open your skull
They'll eat your brains for breakfast

Why are we so blind?
Why can't we see
That they are all the enemy?
Why are we so blind?
Why can't we see
We have to kill them all to be free?

And I am arming myself with chainsaws and billy clubs. (To fuck you up)
I'm barricading my house to save all the people and things that I love

[Chorus]

And I will stand alone (we can't make it on our own)
We will fight here today (we'll keep all of them away)
We'll cut off their heads (they'd die if they weren't dead)
And it's not a game, no they can't stay, no they can't, they can't stay

I never thought of it that way
I guess that they could be coming for me
Just to think that all this time in school just gave them more to eat
I heard they're rabid. I heard that they're insane
I heard they're Godless killing machines
I heard they're ready. I heard that they're coming
I heard we've got to fight to keep our brains

[Chorus]


8. WE WERE GIANTS

We're dead soon if I don't save you
An asteroid's coming to wipe out the species and
Who's with me? We'll die trying
Do anything to save our families
My wife says, "Please, don't go. We need you at home
You know how the kids get."

[Chorus]
Say goodbye to your families first
We've got one last shot before a meteor crushes the earth
If we arrive at the ice age first we sing
"Tell my mother I'm never coming home."

Circumvent the problem with
Charts and graphs on the nature of impact
Life and death are just words when
Our hearts are set on being victorious
Let's move men, we've got a plan
And miles to go before the sun sets
We stand so tall. We live above this world
We are so fucking invincible

So gentlemen,
[Chorus]

So line up and prepare your tails, men
On my word, swing in unison because here it is
We're oh so easily amused by
Everything we though we know and
Oh, my God it's too late
And we're blow away. We were giants up until today
And we're blow away

So gentlemen,
[Chorus]

So gentlemen

9. MY GERALDINE LIES OVER THE DELAWARE

I can't take a breath
Because the air stinks
And I can't take a step
Without listening
To your fucking accent
While you're saying
Words with 'R's misplaced

[Chorus]
So fuck Route 9.
I can pump my own gas, now you're crossing the line
Yeah fuck Route 9.
And your water tastes like ass, just stay on your side

[Bridge](x2)
And we'll leave tonight and
If you're okay to drive and
We'll leave this place behind
Thank God we don't live here all the time

You don't pay to get in
But you pay to get out

[Chorus]

Fuck Route 9!

And we'll leave tonight
No we'll leave tonight
So we'll leave tonight
Thank God we don't live here all the time


10. DUDE, WHAT IS A LAND PIRATE?

Well sweetheart, you don't understand
Pirates weren't made to dance
We just weren't made for it

We slit throats, we don't cut rugs
But if it means that much
I guess that I could take a chance
We'll both go, we'll both go
I won't ruin your night
You know how I get into knife-fights
(What if my leg breaks while we dance?)
Then, we'll both go down

We just weren't made for this (x2)

[Chorus]
So I paint my peg leg for the prom
And I've been practicing my dance moves all year long

So you'd better keep a look out
In case I go for second base with my hook out

I went out and got a tux
And a limo for the both of us
I showed up trying to impress
(We'll both go, we'll both go)
Despite how hard I tried
You cried and ruined our night
Just 'cause my bird shit on your dress
We won't fucking go down

[Chorus]

(We spike punch with barrels of rum
We loot and steal to seal the deal.)
Say what you will about me and how I do things
But don't you open your mouth about Polly
I guess we made a scene cause in come the police
Waving guns and asking me to leave

And we won't even try to say goodnight
Cause we know that you won't apologize
We won't even try to say goodnight
Cause we know that you still think you're right
And we mean the things we say
We say just what we mean

[Chorus]

So you'd better keep a look out
In case I go for the third base with my hook out


11. I FELL IN LOVE WITH A NINJA MASTER

With a smoke bomb you're gone and I'm alone
I'm waiting for you to get home
Tired of sitting here with the swords you own
I'm starting to worry about you
Your skin is always black and blue
You can't defend this city all alone, it's true

[Chorus]
But I'm forced away (it's nunchucks to the face)
And I'm missing your warm but deadly embrace
And I can't make out the shape of your face
You've masked it with all your honor and grace

Let's not say you broke my heart
You pierced it with a throwing star
It was an accident. I know your aim is off
Jump kicks are getting hard to miss
All I wanted was a kiss
It's getting really hard to live like this

[Chorus]

You've been throwing stars at my heart
Now we've come this far. I should have seen it all from the start
And I see that it's finally time to part
You fucked me up with your poison dart
So
You've been throwing stars at my heart
Now we've come this far. I should have seen it from the start
I should have seen it from the fucking start
From the fucking start


12. WHEN KEEPING IT REAL GOES WRONG

I've got this job that equates swallowing shit
Where I puree food for dementia patients,
And the commute is an hour each way.
I'm so sick of taking the train

I guess that I'm a hypochondriac,
'Cause I'm always sick, or at least I think I am.
I wish the Tylenol would kick in
'Cause I'm so sick of feeling the same

[Chorus]
And we know that everything is going to be okay.
All we need is Kerouac and a glass of sweet tea,
Or burritos and New Found Glory.
I'm just trying to get through the week

Hey, do you think that you could loan me ten bucks
So that I could buy the new season of Scrubs?
I'm short on cash this week and I'd pay you back on Thursday

I've got these friends that hate their fucking lives.
I guess that's what inactivity does to the mind.
So, I stay busy day and night.
I don't have time to complain

[Chorus]

Everything is going to be okay.
All we need is something to get through the day

(We know that everything, everything, everything is going to be okay) (x5)